#129 How Trauma Damages Self-Trust | Rebuilding Confidence in Your Own Decisions#129 How Trauma Damages Self-Trust | Rebuilding Confidence in Your Own Decisions
The Trauma Recovery School
Bonita Ackerman du Preez explains how trauma can create a self-trust wound that looks like anxiety, perfectionism and people pleasing. She outlines a science-based, small-steps approach to rebuilding confidence in your own signals and decisions.
4:49•11 Aug 2026
Rebuilding Self-Trust: How Trauma Shapes Your Confidence
Episode Overview
- Self-trust is a body-level process built through repeated moments where feelings, actions and outcomes match.
- Trauma and invalidating environments can teach the brain that its signals are wrong, leading to chronic self-doubt and anxiety.
- Predictive coding explains why the traumatised brain struggles to trust its own expectations and instincts.
- Small, consistent promises kept to yourself rewire the brain more effectively than big, dramatic changes.
- The vagus nerve tracks whether your words and actions align, and self-consistency can ease tension, improve sleep and support healing.
“What you've actually been calling anxiety or perfectionism or people pleasing or being indecisive is actually something that's much deeper – it's a self-trust wound.”
This episode dives deep into the challenges and triumphs of rebuilding self-trust after trauma and PTSD. Bonita Ackerman du Preez talks straight to anyone who feels stuck in anxiety, indecision, people pleasing or perfectionism and quietly wonders, "Is there something wrong with me?" She introduces the idea of a "self-trust wound", explaining that what many call anxiety or perfectionism might actually be a breakdown in the body's ability to trust its own signals.
As she puts it, "self-trust is not a personal trait... it's a body level knowing" built through thousands of small moments where what you feel, do and experience actually match. Bonita breaks down how trauma and invalidating environments can teach the brain a very different rule: "my signals don't match my world; something is wrong with me". From there, overriding gut instincts, seeking constant reassurance, and replaying conversations become intelligent survival strategies, not character flaws.
You'll hear a clear, science-based explanation of predictive coding – how the brain constantly compares expectation with reality – and why trauma can completely skew that process. She then brings it right down to earth with practical guidance: big heroic changes aren't needed; what matters are small, consistent promises kept to yourself. There’s a fascinating section on the vagus nerve and how your body notices every mismatch between what you say and what you do.
When you keep even tiny commitments – taking a walk, setting a boundary, saying what you truly need – your nervous system slowly learns, "actually, I did this and it matches", and tension begins to ease. Bonita describes how the Reprogram phase of her trauma recovery method focuses on building real-world evidence of self-trust, one small action at a time, until the nervous system can finally exhale.
If you've been calling it "just anxiety" and blaming yourself for broken promises, could it actually be a self-trust wound that’s ready to heal?
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