121. The High-Achiever’s Mask: Radical Awareness with Ellen Frazier121. The High-Achiever’s Mask: Radical Awareness with Ellen Frazier
Together S.O.B.E.R.
High-performing mortgage professional Ellen Frazier shares how early trauma, pandemic burnout and a post-surgery margarita pushed her towards radical self-awareness and alcohol-free living. The conversation highlights her journey from forced confidence to founding Booze Free Babes and building a life rooted in self-worth, community and intentional choice.
1:00:17•18 May 2026
Behind the High-Achiever Mask: Ellen Frazier on Sobriety, Success and Self-Worth
Episode Overview
- Courage can be tiny: noticing the first uncomfortable inner voice about drinking is already a major step.
- Subconscious integrative therapy helped Ellen address deep-rooted beliefs about worthiness before she could fully commit to sobriety.
- Weight loss surgery became a catalyst for change, leading to a handwritten contract for one year alcohol-free and a lasting alcohol-free life.
- Booze Free Babes offers a judgment-free community for high-achieving women to talk about sober curiosity, slips and multi-pathway recovery.
- Focusing on one’s own healing, rather than trying to control a partner’s drinking, created healthier dynamics and space for mutual growth.
“"I took that first sip and the voice in my head so clearly said, ‘Nothing changes if nothing changes.’ That was my last margarita."”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This conversation between host Louise Barnett and guest Ellen Frazier pulls back the curtain on what life can look like when success on paper hides chaos underneath. Ellen shares how a childhood as a "first-chair" flute prodigy, raised by a driven single mum, wired her for perfection, performance and control.
Early exposure to alcohol, sexual trauma and dropping out of school at 17 led her to rehab and then five alcohol-free years – long before she’d really formed an adult identity. She later slipped back into drinking, balancing a thriving mortgage career with what she calls a "sophisticated" relationship with alcohol. The pandemic became a breaking point: endless work, 24/7 news, weight gain, compression socks at the bar and shots of tequila while her legs throbbed.
Thinking the issue was only her body, she opted for weight loss surgery and started subconscious integrative therapy. A post-surgery margarita brought a clear inner message: "Nothing changes if nothing changes." That moment became her sober date. From there, Ellen describes writing a handwritten contract committing to a year alcohol-free, discovering her worth beyond productivity, and realising that true change started with self-love, not just white-knuckling sobriety.
She talks candidly about being a stepmum, the strain and later shift in her marriage when her husband continued drinking, and how his later heart attack reset their shared priorities. Ellen now leads Booze Free Babes, a sober sisterhood for high-achieving women, championing multi-pathway recovery, intentional fun and a judgment-free space for slips, shame and all.
Expect honest talk about courage as tiny first steps, emotional regulation after alcohol, and what it means to parent your inner child as fiercely as you do your career. If you’ve ever performed being "fine" while falling apart inside, what might your very first brave step be?
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