#125 – Dean Becker: Progress Not Perfection

#125 – Dean Becker: Progress Not Perfection

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation between Brett Morris and Dean Becker offers a raw, funny-at-times, and very human look at what long-term active addiction and early recovery can really feel like. Dean, speaking from Johannesburg, talks about growing up in a loving, stable, middle-class family with "no abuse or anything like that" and yet feeling completely different inside.

On the outside he was head boy and rugby captain; on the inside he describes himself as an introverted comic book nerd desperate for acceptance. That hunger for approval and the habit of lying became his first addiction. From raiding his dad’s liquor cabinet at 14, to alcohol-induced hepatitis at 19, to daily cocaine use funded by stealing, Dean paints a picture of addiction that escalates quickly and hurts everyone around him.

He shares how his using moved on to weed, cocaine, "cat", and crystal meth, alongside gambling, porn, and repeated stints in treatment and psychiatric hospitals. His honesty about lying to his wife, borrowing from colleagues, and dragging his family through chaos is brutal but relatable for many in active addiction. The turning point isn’t a dramatic Hollywood moment, but a bathroom-floor breakdown followed by a simple next day at work.

Dean says, "Just because I'm clean, just because I'm sober does not mean that life is going to be easy," and that accepting this has been crucial. He talks about AA, identifying with the big book, and the relief of hearing "me too" from others in recovery. For anyone stuck in relapse cycles or feeling like recovery "should" feel better than it does, Dean’s message is clear: honesty comes first—especially self-honesty.

Admitting "I'm not coping" and asking for help might be the thing that finally shifts everything. Could it be time to be that honest with yourself?