171. Why Don’t I Know Who I Am Anymore? | Identity & Self-Discovery171. Why Don’t I Know Who I Am Anymore? | Identity & Self-Discovery
The Self Development Podcast
Johnny Lawrence responds to a listener who feels they’ve lost their identity after a lifetime of caring for others, questioning who they are without being needed. He talks through roles, core values and small acts of self-kindness as ways to reconnect with a sense of self beyond usefulness.
26:02•21 Oct 2026
You Are More Than Your Usefulness: Rebuilding Identity When Roles Change
Episode Overview
- Identity can easily become tied to roles and usefulness, leaving people feeling lost when those roles change or end.
- Helping others is healthier when it is a choice, not an obligation rooted in fear, guilt or old family patterns.
- Core values act like an internal compass, guiding people back to themselves when life feels off-course.
- Rebuilding self-trust starts with small, honest experiments and noticing what feels right or wrong for you.
- Allowing others to feel disappointed can be necessary so that you stop continually disappointing yourself.
“Perhaps you need to allow yourself to disappoint other people so that you don’t keep disappointing yourself.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation on The Self Development Podcast zooms in on a familiar yet uncomfortable feeling: waking up one day and realising you don’t really know who you are anymore. Johnny Lawrence responds to a question from David, a 52-year-old from Liverpool, who says, “I’ve spent my whole life looking after everyone else.
He asks whether helping others is a true choice or a habit rooted in old patterns, and he offers reflective prompts such as, “Who am I when nobody needs anything from me?” and “Do you feel guilty when you prioritise yourself?” Rather than pushing for a dramatic reinvention, he suggests tiny, realistic steps: one small act in the week that’s “just for you… not for your partner, not for your children… because you want to.” He also guides listeners to map out “the person I’ve been, the person I am now, and the person I am becoming,” and stresses the importance of core values as a kind of inner autopilot that brings you back on course when life knocks you sideways.
I genuinely don’t know who I am anymore.” From there, Johnny unpacks how easy it is to confuse identity with usefulness – being the fixer, the strong one, the dependable one – until the children leave home, the job ends, or people simply don’t need you in the same way. With his usual warm, conversational style, Johnny gently questions what sits underneath this need to be needed.
This episode will hit home for anyone in recovery, carers, long-term parents, or chronic helpers who feel lost once their role changes. It’s a reminder that, as Johnny puts it, “You are more than your usefulness,” and that reconnecting with yourself can start with one honest question and one small act of self-kindness. So what’s the one thing you’ll do this week simply because you want to?
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