20250913 - (Step 4) (14) We're going to look at how self manifests20250913 - (Step 4) (14) We're going to look at how self manifests
Love Your Life, with Randy Mermell
Randy Mermell is an international coach, speaker, and podcaster. Randy helps people live happy and purposeful lives. Drawing from his own experience from 20 years of happy marriage, raising two daughters, and his success as an entrepreneur, he has helped others get through all types of professional and personal challenges, including love, marriage, children, jobs, and finding passion in everything we do. With over 28 years of sobriety, and success in his own life overcoming low self-esteem, addictions to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and coffee Randy draws on his real-life experience to lead meditation and recovery retreats internationally.
45:19•26 May 2026
How Self Shows Up: Randy Mermell on Step 4 and Resentment Inventory
Episode Overview
- Alcoholism is described as a disease centred in the mind, with a restless, fault-finding inner voice that no amount of external success can satisfy.
- The real treatment is applying the 12 steps and forming a relationship with a higher power, rather than relying on substances to quiet the mind.
- Step 4 starts with prayer and honesty: write names (often beginning with mum and dad) and list only factual actions, not emotional stories.
- Resentment is identified as the number one offender for alcoholics, and addressing it through written inventory is presented as essential spiritual work.
- Staying stuck in the first two columns of the Fourth Step keeps people locked in the problem; moving into later columns helps build responsibility and freedom.
“Being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what has defeated me, I consider its common manifestation.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This meeting-style episode from “Love Your Life” drops you right into a live, all-inclusive 12-step group as they work through Step 4 and look at “how self manifests” in daily life.
Randy Mermell, an alcoholic with decades of sobriety, sets the tone by defining alcoholism in a brutally honest and very relatable way: an “unsatisfiable, fault-finding, opinionated mind that's always in a hurry, easily frustrated, and can't stand the word no.” He’s clear that the real problem sits in the mind, and that the 12 steps – plus a relationship with a higher power – are the treatment, not another pill or quick fix.
The focus here is practical: how to actually write a Fourth Step resentment inventory. Randy breaks it down into simple instructions: start with a prayer (“God, help me to see the truth about my resentments”), write down names – beginning with “mom” – and then list only facts, not stories.
He stresses that it’s not about blaming parents, bosses, partners or friends; it’s about seeing “the flaws in my makeup which caused my failure.” You’ll also hear shares from group members who are sponsoring others, wrestling with resentments at work, or facing huge Fourth Step lists (one person mentions 3,000 resentments) and still coming back for more growth.
Another member talks about the danger of getting stuck in the first two columns of the inventory and how moving into responsibility is vital because “staying stuck in the problem” can be deadly for an alcoholic. This episode suits anyone in recovery who’s stuck, scared, or procrastinating on Step 4 – or anyone who wants a down-to-earth, sometimes funny, but very direct look at resentment, self, and spiritual growth.
Ready to grab a pen and see what your mind’s been hiding from you?
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