210 - Letting Go of the Shame of Addiction with Jowita Bydlowska210 - Letting Go of the Shame of Addiction with Jowita Bydlowska
Ruthless Compassion with Dr. Marcia Sirota
Dr. Marcia Sirota and writer Jowita Bydlowska talk about shame, relapse, and the messy reality of addiction recovery. Their conversation focuses on unshaming, safe sharing, and redefining repeated relapse as evidence of ongoing hope.
43:45•11 Jun 2026
Letting Go of Addiction Shame: Jowita Bydlowska on Relapse, Hope and Unshaming
Episode Overview
- Recovery is rarely a straight line; repeated relapse can also be seen as repeated hope rather than pure failure.
- Shame often precedes addiction and then intensifies through addictive behaviour, creating a powerful cycle that keeps people stuck.
- Sharing shame in safe spaces, such as therapy or supportive groups, can make it feel smaller and less controlling.
- Society harshly judges visible addiction, especially among poor and marginalised people, even though addiction usually reflects deep wounds and trauma.
- Honest conversations with loved ones, including children, can reduce secrecy and shame and support genuine change.
“"I failed 20 times, but I also had hope 20 times."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between psychiatrist Dr. Marcia Sirota and writer Jowita Bydlowska leans straight into that question by talking honestly about shame, relapse, and the messy reality of recovery. Jowita, known for her memoir *Drunk Mom* and her new book *Unshaming*, talks about becoming a public "sober" figure while secretly relapsing many times.
She admits counting at least twenty relapses and reframing them: "I failed 20 times, but I also had hope 20 times." That shift from seeing herself as a failure to seeing herself as someone who kept hoping is at the heart of this episode. The two discuss how shame often fuels addiction in the first place and then gets reinforced by the behaviour that follows, trapping people in a vicious loop of "shame and addiction and addiction and shame." Dr.
Sirota highlights how society piles extra shame on those who drink, use drugs, or binge eat, even though these habits are usually just expressions of deep wounds and unmet needs. Jowita explains her idea of "unshaming" as slowly stripping shame away through safe sharing. Sometimes that’s in therapy or a 12-step meeting; sometimes it starts with something as small as whispering “please” to a tiny dog when you’re at your lowest.
She stresses that not all shame is safe to share with everyone, which is why trusted, boundaried support is so important. You’ll also hear about parenting as an addict, the damage of living a double life, and how honest conversations with her son helped both of them. This is a grounded, funny-at-times, but very candid chat for anyone who’s struggled with relapse, carries secret shame, or feels like they “should have it together” by now.
It might leave you asking: what would unshaming look like in your own life?
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