244. Relationships, Alcohol & Loving Power with Monica Tanner244. Relationships, Alcohol & Loving Power with Monica Tanner
The Alcohol ReThink Podcast
Patrick Fox and couples therapist Monica Tanner talk about how alcohol can damage self-trust and relationships, and how honest, “loving power” conversations can change the dynamic. The discussion focuses on everyday behaviours, unspoken expectations, and aligning actions with the values you claim to hold.
40:46•3 Apr 2026
Relationships, Broken Self-Trust and Loving Power with Monica Tanner
Episode Overview
- Broken self-trust from repeated broken promises, often fuelled by drinking, quietly undermines intimacy and safety in relationships.
- Honesty with yourself about alcohol is best done when sober and clear, asking whether drinking fits the life and relationships you say you want.
- Everyday choices of time and money reveal true priorities, no matter what you claim matters most to you.
- Unspoken expectations, even about “small things”, can build long-term resentment, so making clear, kind requests is crucial.
- Using loving power means standing up for your needs and concerns, including around alcohol, without attack, contempt or a sense of superiority.
“I honestly believe that a relationship matures to the level of honesty that it can handle.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation on The Alcohol ReThink Podcast tackles that question through the lens of relationships, trust, and everyday habits. Host Patrick Fox chats with couples and marriage therapist Monica Tanner, who works with couples to, as she puts it, "help people come back to each other" when life and long-term partnership start to feel hard.
The two connect Patrick’s own story of quitting alcohol with the subtle ways broken self-trust can spill into marriage and parenting. Monica explains how alcohol can quietly chip away at integrity: saying you’ll get up for the gym, then drinking and bailing; promising family time but using money and energy on nights out instead.
She links this directly to safety and intimacy in relationships: "Your relationship to yourself has everything to do with how you interact with other people." A big theme here is honesty – both with yourself and your partner. Monica shares her belief that "a relationship matures to the level of honesty that it can handle" and stresses the power of radical self-honesty about drinking when sober and clear-headed.
Patrick’s own experience of being called out by his partner for prioritising booze over shared plans brings this to life in a very relatable way. There’s also a funny-but-spot-on section about toilet rolls and driving styles that shows how so-called “small stuff” can build years of resentment if it never gets spoken about. Monica introduces the idea of "loving power" – standing up for yourself and your needs without attack or superiority, especially when raising concerns about alcohol.
If you’re rethinking drinking and wondering what that means for your relationship, this chat offers practical language, real-life examples, and plenty of gentle challenges to ask: does your day-to-day behaviour really match what you say you value?
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