246. 10 Rules for a Healthy Relationship246. 10 Rules for a Healthy Relationship
Strong Tower Mental Health with Heidi Mortenson
Heidi Mortenson outlines 10 faith-based rules for healthier relationships, focusing on personal responsibility, shorter conflicts, forgiveness and friendship. The conversation links emotional maturity and Christian identity to issues like codependency, unhelpful narratives and long-standing hurts.
31:44•29 Jun 2026
10 Rules That Can Strengthen Your Relationship with Faith and Honesty
Episode Overview
- Focus on your own growth and healing rather than trying to fix your spouse or partner.
- Keep conflicts short by taking a 20–30 minute break instead of arguing for hours.
- Repair and forgive as quickly as you can, aiming for progress rather than perfection.
- Share feelings with "I" statements instead of blaming with "you always" or "you never".
- Do not make your spouse responsible for your happiness; root your joy and identity in Christ.
“The goal of the relationship is to remember that you're fighting for the relationship. We're not against each other. We're on the same team.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey and relationships at the same time? This conversation on Strong Tower Mental Health zooms in on how the stories you tell yourself can quietly sabotage connection with the people you love. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Heidi Mortenson lays out 10 practical rules for a healthier relationship, grounded in both psychology and Christian faith.
She starts with a simple but challenging shift: "The actual problem of this wasn't anything that my spouse was doing. The problem is the story I'm telling myself." From there, she invites you to look at your own triggers, thoughts and wounds before trying to "fix" your partner. You’ll hear why she recommends not fighting for more than 30 minutes without a break, and how long, late-night arguments can turn into codependent cycles of offloading hurt rather than true communication.
She talks through repairing quickly, forgiving even when it feels hard, and using "I feel" statements instead of accusations like "you always" and "you never". For anyone affected by addiction, codependency or emotional burnout, her rule to "not make your spouse responsible for your happiness" will hit home. Heidi points back to identity in Christ and the "joy of the Lord" as a steadier source of strength than a partner’s mood or behaviour.
The episode is especially helpful if you’re trying to rebuild or protect relationships while healing from past pain. With plenty of Scripture, real-life examples and gentle humour, it gives concrete guidance on staying on the same team: "The goal of the relationship is to remember that you're fighting for the relationship. We're not against each other. We're on the same team. The goal isn't to win the argument.
The goal is the relationship." If your relationships feel strained alongside your recovery, which of these 10 rules could you start practising today?
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