25: The Getting Real with Hilary Show with Hilary Burns - Episode 2525: The Getting Real with Hilary Show with Hilary Burns - Episode 25
UK Health Radio Podcast
Hilary Burns talks with sex and intimacy coach Xanet Pailet about childhood sexual shame, painful sex and how she moved from a sexless marriage into a more pleasurable life. The conversation looks at trauma, tantra, body image, menopause and why taking action around sexual pain or disconnection can change how you feel in relationships and in yourself.
46:23•14 Nov 2026
From Sexless Marriage to Orgasmic Life: Xanet Pailet on Pleasure as Your Birthright
Episode Overview
- Early childhood moments around nudity and curiosity can form powerful "sexual blueprints" that shape adult shame, desire and body image.
- Painful sex conditions such as vaginismus are often rooted in anxiety and trauma, and usually need emotional as well as physical support.
- Creating sexual safety through slowness, consent, trust and non-genital touch can gently reintroduce pleasure after years of pain or shutdown.
- Honest conversations about fantasies, erotic styles and mismatched desire are key for couples who want a more satisfying sex life.
- If sex feels painful, absent or guilt-ridden, taking some kind of action—therapy, education or body-based work—is more helpful than hoping it resolves on its own.
“Pleasure is your birthright. So you're absolutely entitled to experience pleasure in all different parts of your life, not just sexually.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey, relationships and wider wellbeing? This conversation on the UK Health Radio Podcast shifts the focus to sex, shame and pleasure, showing how deeply sexual wellbeing can shape overall health. Host Hilary Burns chats with former healthcare attorney turned nationally recognised sex and intimacy coach Xanet Pailet, author of *Living an Orgasmic Life*.
Together they unpack how early childhood moments – like being told to cover up or being shamed for innocent curiosity – can become what Xanet calls "sexual blueprints" that echo through adult relationships. Hilary shares candid stories from her own past, modelling what it looks like to get honest about awkward memories, body embarrassment and a sexless marriage.
Xanet responds with warmth and clarity, explaining how experiences such as vaginismus, medical procedures and subtle shaming can make sex painful or shut down desire entirely. She points out that many women (and men) assume "nothing traumatic happened" because the experiences sit under layers of silence and minimising. From there, the chat moves into healing.
Xanet describes how tantra and "goddess worship" helped her shift from decades of painful sex to genuine pleasure, putting safety, slowness and consent at the centre. She stresses that healing is highly individual, but that trauma-informed work, somatic practices, body image support and better conversations in relationships can all help. Hilary also raises dating, menopause and low libido, opening space for Xanet to talk frankly about hormone changes, post-menopausal sex and why many couples avoid the issue until resentment builds.
Throughout, Xanet comes back to one core message: "Pleasure is your birthright" and if sex feels shut down or painful, "do something" rather than hoping it fixes itself. If sexual shame or disconnection quietly sits alongside your recovery or wellness journey, could it be time to get curious about your own sexual blueprint?
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