437 Step 5 with Sonia Khalon: Resentment, Boundaries, and the Fear of Asking for What You Need437 Step 5 with Sonia Khalon: Resentment, Boundaries, and the Fear of Asking for What You Need
The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast
Host Arlina and guest Sonia Khalon work through Step 5, focusing on resentments, boundaries and the fear of asking for what you need. They share stories, tools and phrases that may help listeners handle sensitive emotions without sacrificing sobriety.
40:54•2 Jul 2026
Step 5 with Sonia Khalon: Resentment, Boundaries and Asking for What You Need
Episode Overview
- Resentment is described as a major cause of relapse, making honest inventory and conversation about it crucial for long-term sobriety.
- Boundaries start with recognising your own needs and feelings, then responding calmly instead of swinging from silence to aggression.
- Simple, rehearsed phrases such as “That may be true, but this is how I feel” can help in difficult, emotionally charged exchanges.
- Sobriety often increases sensitivity, which can be a helpful signal that something is wrong rather than a weakness.
- Step 6 focuses on actions rather than thoughts, helping people see where old behaviour patterns no longer work and need to be released.
“For some of us, they say that resentment is the number one cause of relapse.”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? For fans of 12-step recovery and sober growth, this conversation between host Arlina and guest Sonia Khalon offers a front-row seat to working Step 5 in real time. Sonia, co-founder of the Sisters in Sobriety podcast, has been moving through the steps with steady commitment, and here she talks honestly about resentments, boundaries and the terror of asking for what she needs.
She jokes about “throwing a full tantrum” when she reaches amends, but beneath the humour is raw courage and serious emotional work. Arlina explains why Step 4 and 5 can feel like getting a degree in self-awareness, using the inventory to get underneath resentments and into “causes and conditions”. As she says, “For some of us, they say that resentment is the number one cause of relapse,” and that makes learning to deal with it non‑negotiable.
You’ll hear Sonia unpack her fear of speaking up in relationships, including a funny yet revealing story about saying “my boy Igor” and how that phrase landed with her boyfriend. That leads to a bigger chat about boundaries: how to ask for softer language without going from doormat to dictator, and why being willing to change your own behaviour is just as important as asking others to change theirs.
The pair talk about estrangement from family, the victim–rescuer–persecutor triangle, and the uncomfortable truth that sometimes estrangement is self‑protection rather than avoidance. They also get practical, sharing simple “canned responses” like, “That may be true, but this is how I feel,” to use in emotionally charged moments. By the end, Sonia is ready for Step 6, where the focus shifts from thoughts to actions.
If you’ve ever felt scared to ask for what you need or worried that your resentments might take you back out, this conversation might be exactly the honest, messy hope you’ve been looking for. What small boundary could you practice setting today?
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