446 The Ish Step: Why Step Six Isn't About Perfection

446 The Ish Step: Why Step Six Isn't About Perfection

What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This conversation between host Arlina Allen and returning guest Sonia Kahlon gets into the messy middle of Step Six – and why they’re happy to rename it the “ish step.” Rather than preaching perfection, the episode leans hard into real-life imperfection. Step Six – “Were entirely ready to have God remove our defects of character” – initially sends Sonia into full-on resistance.

She jokes about throwing down her four-colour pen with a very clear “not today, Satan,” before eventually finding that this step becomes her favourite. Together they unpack the loaded phrase “character defects” and swap it for language that feels less shaming and more honest, like instincts that are “out of balance” or trauma responses that once kept people safe.

You’ll hear how emotions like envy, greed and self-righteous anger can quietly reshape daily life, especially when wrapped in prettier labels such as ambition or love. As Arlina puts it, envy is “literally the thief of joy,” especially when fuelled by social media and comparison.

There’s a powerful section on resentment too: “they’re like little pebbles in a sack that you throw over your shoulder… we don’t notice it until we collapse under the weight of it.” For anyone who’s ever white-knuckled sobriety while ignoring their feelings, that image lands hard. The pair also talk about internal family systems, “manager Marge,” and how childhood trauma, people-pleasing and self-abandonment can show up years into sobriety.

Step Six becomes less about becoming a flawless person and more about progress, safety, and using “all the tools” – from God-sized prayers to practical communication. If you’re sober, sober-curious, or stuck on the idea that recovery means being perfect, this “ish step” chat might give you permission to breathe, laugh, and ask: where could ‘good enough’ actually be good enough for today?