5 Things That Make Therapy Not Work5 Things That Make Therapy Not Work
A Little Help For Our Friends
Dr. Kibby McMahon outlines five common behaviours that quietly stop therapy from working, such as emotional avoidance and people pleasing. The episode offers practical ways to engage more honestly in therapy and turn insights into real‑life change.
1:06:53•30 Jul 2026
5 Ways People Sabotage Their Own Therapy (And What To Do Instead)
Episode Overview
- Avoid hiding painful emotions or topics; talking about what feels most uncomfortable is key to meaningful progress.
- Be fully honest with your therapist, including risky behaviours, substance use, and actions you feel ashamed of.
- Stop trying to be the "good client" and bring up frustrations, hurt feelings, and doubts about the therapy directly.
- Shift from endless venting to asking what you can do differently and focusing on concrete changes.
- Use what happens in therapy to experiment with new thoughts and behaviours in daily life, not to defend old habits.
“We go to therapy to become whole again, but if you’re hiding parts of yourself, you’re getting in your own way.”
What drives someone to seek a therapist and then stay stuck for years without much change? This candid episode of *A Little Help For Our Friends* tackles that uncomfortable question head‑on, focusing on how clients sometimes unintentionally sabotage their own therapy. Dr. Kibby McMahon talks through "therapy‑interfering behaviours" she sees repeatedly in practice, from emotional avoidance to flat‑out lying.
You’ll hear her describe how common it is to talk endlessly about an abusive parent while hiding the fact that "they themselves were abusive to their parents", or to intellectualise every feeling so thoroughly that nothing is actually felt in the room. The conversation is aimed at people in therapy and those with loved ones struggling with issues like addiction, anger, trauma, or personality disorders.
Kibby breaks down five key habits that make therapy stall: avoiding the real pain, not being fully honest, people‑pleasing and trying to be the "good client", staying stuck in venting and problem talk, and refusing to change anything outside the 50‑minute session. She’s blunt about the limits of feel‑good therapy, noting that if you leave the room and your life looks exactly the same, "it’s not really treatment, it’s more social support".
Alongside clear examples—like blaming a spouse without mentioning past violence, or using therapy jargon to justify "shitty behaviour"—she offers practical alternatives: asking your therapist what you’re actually working on, bringing up discomfort or frustration with them directly, and experimenting with different responses in real life instead of reaching for the same old bottle of wine.
The tone stays warm and human, with plenty of compassion for how hard change can be, while still challenging you to ask: am I really showing up honestly in therapy, or just talking in circles? If you’ve ever wondered why therapy doesn’t seem to stick, this episode might be the nudge you need to look at your own habits in the chair.
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