611: The Method That Gets Addicted Loved Ones To Say Yes611: The Method That Gets Addicted Loved Ones To Say Yes
Real Recovery Talk
Tom Conrad outlines his 60-30-10 framework for families who want an addicted loved one to accept help. He focuses on education, changing communication styles and setting firm, realistic boundaries so that execution of a treatment plan becomes simpler and more effective.
20:05•15 Jul 2026
The 60-30-10 Method That Gets Addicted Loved Ones to Say "Yes"
Episode Overview
- Apply the 60-30-10 rule: focus 60% of effort on education, 30% on communication and 10% on execution.
- Treat addiction as a disease and learn about treatment levels, resources and the broader context of your loved one’s life.
- Identify who holds the most influence over your loved one and what leverage points can gently push them towards help.
- Use communication that is calm, factual and consistent, avoiding empty threats, labels and shaming language.
- Only set boundaries you are truly willing to uphold, as broken promises quickly weaken your position and are used against you.
“"We have to be the best manipulators in the room. The difference is, is we are manipulating them into a new life."”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? For many families, it's that moment when an addicted loved one finally says "yes" to help. This episode of Real Recovery Talk zooms in on exactly how that "yes" becomes possible, breaking things down into a clear and surprisingly practical method. Host Tom Conrad speaks directly to parents, partners and relatives who feel stuck in endless crisis mode.
Rather than offering quick fixes, he lays out his 60-30-10 rule: "60% of your time needs to be focused on education. 30% of your time needs to be focused on communication and 10% of your time needs to be focused on execution." If you're used to jumping straight into action, that breakdown might feel backwards – and that's exactly the point. Education comes first.
Tom talks families through understanding addiction as a disease, the different levels of treatment, and key questions to ask about work, friends, money and living situations. He stresses the importance of identifying "who has the biggest influence over your loved one" and spotting leverage points – even joking that families need to be "the best manipulators in the room," but in a way that nudges someone towards a new life.
From there, he shifts into communication, describing how anger, ultimatums and name-calling usually pile on shame and guilt rather than creating change. He shows how language needs to evolve over time – from gentle concern when you first find a problem, to firmer boundaries when denial and aggression show up.
The key, he says, is that "you cannot and will not communicate something that you are not willing to uphold." Finally, Tom explains why execution is only 10% of the process and often the easiest part once education and communication are in place. For families wondering what concrete steps to take next, this conversation offers a structured path and a reminder that they don't have to do it alone.
What small shift in your approach could change the entire tone of your next conversation?
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