#79 Triggers Are Treasures: Why Your Most Uncomfortable Moments Are Doing You a Favour with Hans Comyn#79 Triggers Are Treasures: Why Your Most Uncomfortable Moments Are Doing You a Favour with Hans Comyn
Call To Courage Podcast
Gareth Pickering and Hans Comyn talk about reframing triggers, wounds and intimacy in relationships as powerful tools for growth and healing. They share practical frameworks and honest stories that link conscious love, authenticity and addiction patterns in everyday life.
1:10:23•24 Sept 2026
Triggers Are Treasures: Turning Relationship Pain into Growth with Hans Comyn
Episode Overview
- Uncomfortable triggers in relationships can be treated as valuable clues to unhealed parts of ourselves, rather than something to avoid or numb.
- Designing an intentional relationship with a clear invitation, shared vision and regular integration check-ins helps keep connection conscious and evolving.
- Seeing relationships as soul contracts shifts conflict from a sign of failure into a natural part of personal and shared growth.
- Naming and working with patterns like people-pleasing or hyper-independence can prevent them from quietly sabotaging intimacy.
- Letting an old version of a relationship "die" and consciously starting again can create space for a fresher, more truthful connection.
“"I think our triggers are our treasures. When I'm triggered in any relationship, it's just pointing out something in me that's not healed."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between Gareth Pickering and relationship coach Hans Comyn shows how emotional triggers, intimacy and old patterns in love can mirror the same dynamics many people face with substances and addiction. Gareth shares his belief that "our triggers are our treasures", explaining that every uncomfortable reaction in a relationship points to something inside that hasn't healed yet.
Rather than trying to numb out, he frames those moments as invitations to growth, whether the trigger shows up with a partner, a parent, money, social media, cannabis or other addictions. For anyone rebuilding a life alcohol-free, that idea of triggers as clues instead of enemies can feel deeply reassuring.
Hans brings in his three-step framework for an intentional relationship: a clear invitation into conscious partnership, co-creating a "game to play" (their shared vision, vows and agreements), and regular integration check-ins. He treats relationship like a living laboratory, where the point isn’t perfection but evolution. Gareth echoes this by describing relationships as "soul contracts" designed to help us return to love, including facing people-pleasing, hyper-independence and the wounded inner child.
The pair talk candidly about how many men were never taught how to "do" relationships, just as many were never shown healthy ways to handle pain without reaching for alcohol or other substances. They link deep intimacy to authenticity – where "your words match your energy" – and highlight how suppressing truth often leads to disconnection, frustration and acting out.
One of the most powerful themes is their "phoenix" principle: being brave enough to let version one of a relationship die so something more honest and aligned can be born. That same courage is familiar to anyone who’s left behind an old drinking identity to build a sober life. If your triggers feel overwhelming right now, could they actually be pointing you towards your next layer of healing?
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