#75 Relationship Pillar 3: Regulate Yourself or Wreck Your Relationship#75 Relationship Pillar 3: Regulate Yourself or Wreck Your Relationship
Call To Courage Podcast
Gareth Pickering and Matt Dahse talk about how an untrained nervous system, not lack of love, often sits behind relationship blow‑ups. They unpack trauma responses, triggers and practical tools for men to regulate themselves and show up more steadily in their partnerships.
17:25•16 Jun 2026
Regulate Yourself or Wreck Your Relationship: Triggers, Trauma Responses and Men’s Emotional Health
Episode Overview
- Triggers are not proof that a relationship is broken; they highlight where personal healing is still needed.
- Most conflict patterns can be linked to four trauma responses: fight, flight, fix (people‑pleasing) or freeze.
- Suppressing emotions rather than allowing them to move through the body leads to explosions, stress and dis‑ease.
- Stepping away to consciously regulate your nervous system before responding can prevent damaging arguments.
- Understanding core wounds and reparenting the younger part of yourself helps you hold space for both your own process and your partner’s.
“"Your triggers are your treasures. This is an opportunity for you to grow."”
What happens when your nervous system, not your partner, is the real culprit behind those explosive arguments? This conversation between Gareth Pickering and Matt Dahse zooms in on exactly that question, offering a grounded look at how emotional regulation can make or break a relationship.
Aimed mainly at men who care about their partnerships but keep saying things they regret, the episode breaks down why triggers are "not a problem with the relationship" but a sign of where your own healing is still needed. You’ll hear Gareth and Matt talk about the four trauma responses – fight, flight, fix and freeze – and openly share which ones they default to in conflict.
Matt owns his tendency to freeze and stew in silence, while Gareth notices his urge to people‑please and fix everything as a way to soothe his own discomfort. One of the most memorable ideas is their line, "your triggers are your treasures" – a reminder that those charged moments are actually invitations to grow rather than proof that love is broken.
They contrast how children and animals naturally shake out big emotions with how adults are taught to suppress them, leading to mental health struggles, blow‑ups over something as small as the dishes, and long‑term resentment. For anyone in recovery or simply trying to build healthier connections, the style is direct, masculine-friendly and very practical.
They talk through concrete steps: noticing you’re triggered, naming your pattern, stepping away to move the energy (even if that looks like a grown‑up temper tantrum on the bed), and then returning to the conversation from a calmer, more responsible place. You’ll also hear about core wounds, mother wounds, and the idea of reparenting the younger part of yourself instead of dumping everything on your partner.
It all adds up to a message that feels honest and hopeful: your relationship isn’t doomed, but your nervous system does need training. Could changing how you handle your triggers be the shift your relationships are waiting for?
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