#73 Relationship Pillar 1: Inner Work - The Foundation#73 Relationship Pillar 1: Inner Work - The Foundation
Call To Courage Podcast
Gareth Pickering and Matt Dahse talk about why inner work is the first pillar of any healthy relationship, especially for men who keep repeating the same patterns. They share personal stories, the ‘me, we, world’ framework and the idea of core wounds that quietly shape how someone shows up in love and life.
16:05•2 Jun 2026
Inner Work First: Why Your Relationship Starts With You
Episode Overview
- Strong relationships rest on inner work; focusing only on fixing the partner keeps the same patterns repeating.
- Gareth and Matt use a ‘me, we, world’ model, starting with self-understanding before working on partnership and purpose.
- Unexamined patterns like people-pleasing or constant checking “Are you okay?” often mask personal insecurity.
- Early experiences, including shame around sexuality and playground validation, can drive adult behaviour until they are brought to awareness.
- Many men carry a core wound from their relationship with their mother, which quietly shapes their romantic relationships until it is faced and healed.
“"Everything in your world is a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself."”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation with Gareth Pickering and Matt Dahse focuses on a different but deeply related foundation: the inner work that shapes every relationship, including how someone might relate to alcohol or other coping strategies. Kicking off their Four Pillars of Relationship series, they zoom in on Pillar 1: Inner Work.
The episode is aimed squarely at men who think their relationship is the problem, only to realise, as Gareth puts it, that "everything in your world is a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself." Instead of quick tips or hacks, they talk about lifelong patterns, childhood wounds and uncomfortable truths that many men usually avoid. You’ll hear their simple framework of "me, we, world" – working on yourself first, then your relationships, then your wider purpose.
Matt talks about a long-running pattern of constantly asking partners "Are you okay?" and eventually seeing that, "I wasn't okay. I wasn't feeling secure in myself and I was outsourcing that to them." Gareth shares openly about hypersexuality, shame from a strict Christian upbringing, and how early playground validation wired him to seek approval through sex for decades.
A key theme is the "core wound" many men carry from their relationship with their mothers, which Gareth says quietly shapes almost every adult relationship until it’s brought into the light. They gently challenge men to look beneath their last argument or breakup: what feeling was really underneath it, and where has that feeling shown up before? The tone is relaxed, masculine, and honest, with enough humour and storytelling to keep heavy topics from feeling clinical.
If you’re ready to stop repeating the same relationship patterns and start asking harder questions of yourself, this chat might be the nudge you’ve been avoiding.
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