#71 Relationships - Your Greatest Playground for Transformation with Simon Paul Sutton#71 Relationships - Your Greatest Playground for Transformation with Simon Paul Sutton
Call To Courage Podcast
Gareth Pickering and Simon Paul Sutton talk about how relationships expose old wounds, addictions and childhood imprints, and how parts work and radical honesty can turn that pain into growth. Their conversation highlights the role of men’s circles, real initiation and community in creating healthier, more truthful connections.
1:20:58•30 Apr 2026
From Lies to Radical Honesty: How Relationships Reshape Men
Episode Overview
- Relationships can become powerful mirrors for growth when partners learn to name and speak for their inner parts instead of acting from them unconsciously.
- Radical honesty starts with noticing small, “white lie” incongruences and repairing them, rather than using caretaking or people-pleasing to avoid conflict.
- Sex and porn addiction often sit on top of shame and unmet childhood needs; bringing these patterns into the light removes their grip and supports healthier intimacy.
- Many men have grown up without healthy initiation or elders, so gangs, jail and objectifying sex become substitute rites of passage that leave emotional wounds.
- Well-held men’s circles, where phones are off and truth is spoken, can relieve isolation, reduce suicidal despair and offer a living alternative to numbing and pretending.
“If we can learn this and those listening really can feel what we're saying, this is a game changer. This gives responsibility back here and doesn't, for example, my fearful avoidant part, can't take over and cause so much havoc.”
Interested in the personal battles against addiction? This conversation on the Call To Courage Podcast looks at relationships as “your greatest playground for transformation”, especially for men who feel stuck in repeating patterns of conflict, collapse or emotional shutdown. Gareth Pickering sits with guest Simon Paul Sutton as they talk honestly about lying, people-pleasing, porn and sex addiction, and the impact of growing up in homes marked by domestic violence and absent fathers.
Simon shares how a lifelong commitment to “who am I if I never tell a lie again?” pulled him from a past of cheating and crime into a life centred on radical honesty and emotional responsibility.
A big theme here is “parts work” – naming the inner cast of characters like the seductress, the drill sergeant or the fearful avoidant, and learning, as Simon puts it, “to speak for these parts, not as the parts.” Gareth offers his “inner kingdom” metaphor, where every part has a place, and shows how shame, especially around sex and addiction, explodes when those parts are pushed into the shadows.
The episode also looks at the cost of missing male initiation and eldership. Simon recalls being “initiated” into manhood through gangs, jail and prostitutes, calling them “pseudo-initiations” that fed objectification and porn addiction rather than maturity. Both men argue that real initiation now looks like circles of honest men, phones down, sharing what’s actually happening in their relationships, finances and inner lives.
If you’re tired of feeling like the only one whose marriage, sobriety or mental health feels messy, this conversation offers tools, language and a gentle nudge: what if your next step isn’t fixing yourself in private, but sitting in a room with others and saying the thing you’ve never said out loud?
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