93: After the Episode for Ashley Jo's Story + Ashley's Insight on Talking to People Who Have Lost Loved Ones93: After the Episode for Ashley Jo's Story + Ashley's Insight on Talking to People Who Have Lost Loved Ones
The Courage to Change: A Recovery Podcast
In this After the Episode, we discuss Ashley Jo Brewer's story from Season 3, Episode 92.
1:14:15•15 Apr 2021
Grief, Paternity Shock and Alcohol: Ashley Jo on Sharing the Hardest Truths
Episode Overview
- Sharing a hidden story can feel terrifying and freeing at the same time, and may lift a significant weight of shame.
- Alcoholism doesn’t need to look extreme; people can move from ‘normal’ drinking to dependence without obvious external chaos.
- Comparing your drinking to someone who seems ‘worse’ can keep you trapped and delay accepting that you need help.
- Many bereaved people want their loved one to be acknowledged, so simple honesty, gentle questions and allowing silence can be more helpful than avoiding the topic.
- Seeking therapy or counselling after a major loss can be crucial; trying to cope alone often pushes pain underground and into substances.
“I wish there wasn’t a discomfort talking about death… I want to talk about my son, even if it makes you uncomfortable.”
Curious about how others handle gut‑wrenching loss, messy relationships and alcohol all at once? This After the Episode chat brings together Ashley, Christiana and production coordinator Ashley Jo Brewer (aka AJB) for a raw, funny and deeply honest follow‑up to Ashley Jo’s story. You’ll hear the three of them joke their way into some very heavy territory, setting a relaxed tone before heading straight into shame, secrecy and recovery.
Ashley Jo talks about finally sharing her paternity “scandal” – a botched paternity test that turned her life upside down – and the mix of relief and panic that came with going public: “There’s something terrifying and freeing about it… I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.” The conversation then shifts to alcohol use. Ashley and Ashley Jo break down how someone can drink “normally” for years, then cross that invisible line into alcoholism without fitting the stereotypical picture.
She describes the strange mix of relief and heartbreak watching a very sick child stop suffering, and later spiralling when she learned there is now a gene therapy that could have helped: “I was like, I don’t know how to process these emotions… so I’m just going to drink because if I drink, I won’t feel any of them.” A big chunk of the conversation is practical: how to talk to people who’ve lost someone, what actually helps, and what doesn’t.
Ashley Jo explains how comparing herself to her emotionally abusive alcoholic ex kept her sick longer, because admitting “I’m an alcoholic” felt like saying “I am him.” From there, they move into the hardest part of Ashley Jo’s story – the death of her baby son, Cornelius (Case).
They stress simple honesty – “I’m so sorry” – asking if someone wants to talk, being okay with silence, and never changing the subject when a bereaved person brings up their loved one. If you’ve ever worried about saying the wrong thing to someone in grief, or questioned whether your drinking ‘counts’ as a problem, this episode might be exactly what you need. How could you try responding differently to grief in your own circles?
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