#96 – Suzanne Schultes: Sober Widows#96 – Suzanne Schultes: Sober Widows
Recovery Survey
Brett Morris talks with counsellor and sober widow Suzanne Schultes about losing her husband, staying alcohol-free through overwhelming grief, and starting a Zoom support group for sober widows. Their conversation focuses on practical tools, community support and the importance of feeling emotions rather than numbing them.
29:21•5 Jan 2022
Staying Sober Through Grief: Suzanne Schultes on Life as a Sober Widow
Episode Overview
- Reaching out for support, even when it feels uncomfortable, is crucial during intense grief and can help prevent relapse.
- Journalling, creative outlets, reading and physical activity provide healthy ways to express and manage painful emotions.
- Grief has no set timeline; feelings come in waves, and it is important to accept them rather than numbing them with alcohol or drugs.
- Specialised groups, such as Zoom meetings for sober widows, can offer a unique sense of understanding and reduce isolation.
- "Feel it to heal it" – allowing yourself to fully feel emotions is essential for healing, especially for people in recovery who are used to numbing pain.
“"Feel it to heal it. If we don't feel it, which we don't like to do, we can't heal through it."”
How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This conversation follows Suzanne Schultes, a certified alcohol and substance misuse counsellor and grief facilitator, as she talks about staying alcohol-free after the sudden death of her husband in September 2020. With over eleven years of sobriety, she describes the night he died as the first time in a decade that she genuinely wanted to drink: "I just wanted to escape.
I just wanted to not feel anything." Yet she leans hard on AA, saying she knew that getting drunk "was just going to make everything a thousand times more complicated." The episode focuses on a very specific but rarely talked-about experience: being a sober widow. Suzanne noticed there was "absolutely no support" aimed at people in recovery who are grieving, so she started a Zoom group for sober widows.
What began with one or two people has grown into a small, close-knit group that meets weekly and now includes members across North America. One member joined only a week and a half sober after her husband died and has since earned her first coin, giving the group huge inspiration.
Suzanne talks frankly about piling grief on top of old wounds – childhood in an alcoholic family, sexual abuse, divorce – and how she chose to face it all without alcohol. She shares very practical tools: reaching out even when it feels uncomfortable, journalling as an emotional outlet, creative expression, and bodybuilding as healthy structure. A phrase that sticks is, "Feel it to heal it," her reminder that numbing emotions only postpones the pain.
This episode speaks directly to anyone in recovery who’s dealing with loss, or worried about how they’ll cope when grief hits. It also offers a reality check on how little society understands grief, especially for those who can’t just "have a glass of wine" to take the edge off. If you’ve ever wondered whether staying sober through heartbreak is possible, Suzanne’s story might be the proof you need.
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