Addiction and the Family: Understanding, Support and Difficult Conversations – with Prof Richard VellemanAddiction and the Family: Understanding, Support and Difficult Conversations – with Prof Richard Velleman
The Alcohol 'Problem' Podcast
Professor Richard Velleman talks with Dr James Morris about how addiction-type problems affect families, why relatives are often overlooked, and how a simple evidence-based framework can support them. The conversation covers stigma, grief, coping choices and ways to approach difficult discussions with loved ones in a non-judgmental but honest way.
37:16•1 Jul 2026
Addiction, Families and Hard Conversations with Prof Richard Velleman
Episode Overview
- Family members are frequently ignored or subtly blamed by services, despite carrying much of the stress of a loved one’s addiction-type problems.
- Velleman’s stress–strain–information–coping–support model highlights how better understanding, coping strategies and support can reduce the strain on relatives.
- A structured five-step method – listening, information, coping review, support, and reflection – offers a practical way to work with affected family members.
- There is no single “right” way to cope; each response has advantages and disadvantages, and people can be helped to weigh these up for their own situation.
- Raising concerns with a loved one is usually better than staying silent, but works best when done calmly, without judgement, and with a genuine wish to understand.
“You can be non-judgmental without ignoring something. It's getting the balance between those that I think is really important as both a professional and as a parent.”
Understand the complexities of addiction with insights from clinical psychologist and researcher Professor Richard Velleman, as he talks with Dr James Morris about what happens to families when alcohol, drugs or gambling take over. Rather than focusing on the person who drinks or uses drugs, this conversation puts affected family members centre stage. Velleman explains how relatives are often ignored or even blamed by services, despite living with the chaos, secrecy and emotional fallout day in, day out.
He talks about "anticipatory grief" – that painful sense that the future you imagined with a partner or child is slipping away – and how shame and blame can leave people feeling utterly stuck. Velleman introduces his stress–strain–information–coping–support model, a simple way of understanding why life gets so hard for families and where change might start.
From there, he breaks down a practical five-step method for helping relatives: really listening, sharing clear information about addiction and dependence, looking at different coping options with their pros and cons, building support that actually fits your values, and preparing for the long haul rather than a quick fix. The episode also tackles tricky conversations with someone who doesn’t see their use as a problem.
Rather than confrontations or silent resentment, Velleman suggests calm, curious chat: "I'm not here to give you a hard time; I want to understand." As he puts it, "You can be non-judgmental without ignoring something" – and that balance is key for both professionals and families. There’s also a grounded look at peer support options like Al-Anon and other family groups, including how people can weigh up whether a particular approach suits them.
If you’re supporting someone with an addiction-type problem – or work with those who are – this conversation might help you feel less alone and more prepared for the journey ahead. Whose story about addiction are you carrying, and does it still work for you?
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