Alan O. AA Male
Alan O. AA Male

Recovery Radio Network

AA member Alan O. shares his story of blackout drinking, deep fear and self-loathing, and how a moment of desperation led him to seek help. He talks about finding a new way of life through AA, a relationship with a loving God, and simple daily actions that changed how he thinks and lives.

HonestInspiringAuthenticHealingEncouraging

56:35•22 Jun 2026

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From Fear and Blackouts to Love and Sobriety: Alan O.’s AA Story

Episode Overview

Feeling “different” and worthless can be linked to what Alan calls a spiritual malady, rather than family or upbringing.
Blackout drinking, terror on waking and constant remorse marked his alcoholism from the very start.
A moment of intense fear and honesty about being unable to stop drinking opened a small window to accept help.
Acting on AA suggestions and working the steps changed his thinking, rather than waiting to feel willing first.
A growing connection with a loving God, time in nature and close relationships have brought him peace and a sense of belonging.

“I believe there's two emotions inside of me. One's love and one's fear. AA has given me the ability to touch love a little bit and to let it out into my life.”

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This talk from Alan O., an AA member, gives a raw, funny and deeply honest look at exactly that.

A long-time drinker and blackout artist, Alan shares how alcohol gripped his life from his very first drunk, how fear drove almost every decision he made, and how he reached a point where he “couldn’t imagine life with alcohol and couldn’t imagine life without it.” You’ll hear about a childhood in a loving, hard‑working family where he still felt “different” and “no good”, a feeling he calls a spiritual malady that kept him apart from people and from God.

His stories are vivid and unfiltered: wetting himself, waking up in terror after blackouts, riding a moped through a blizzard for beer, and his mother locking herself in the bathroom out of sheer fear.

Alan also talks about the turning point: sheer panic when he realised alcohol fully controlled his life, the tiny “window” where he asked for help, and walking into treatment saying, “I can’t stop drinking.” From there, AA, sponsorship and the Twelve Steps slowly changed his thinking – not by grand ideas, but by doing things he didn’t want to do and taking suggestions he thought were daft.

He speaks movingly about finding a relationship with a loving God, feeling at peace in nature, and building a new life with his partner Annie, a home, and a sprawling clan of grandkids. As he puts it, “I tried to think my way into acting right.

In AA, we act our way into thinking right.” This story is ideal if you’re wrestling with self-hatred, fear, or that nagging sense of being different, and want to hear how someone like that found peace, purpose and even a bit of joy. Could the same shift in thinking be possible for you too?

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