Big Book Study: Step 12 - Part One of Applying Recovery Principles (Part 10 of 15)Big Book Study: Step 12 - Part One of Applying Recovery Principles (Part 10 of 15)
Sober Cast: An (unofficial) Alcoholics Anonymous Podcast AA
Lisa M shares her experience of applying Step 12 recovery principles to relationships using the Big Book chapters Two Wives and The Family Afterward. The session focuses on moving from self-centred behaviour to spiritual, service-based living in family, romantic, work and group relationships.
47:48•3 Oct 2026
Practising Recovery Principles in Relationships with Step 12
Episode Overview
- Practise principles like not being angry and not telling others what to do to improve relationships in recovery.
- Focus on what you can bring to a relationship instead of what you can get from it.
- Do not let another person’s bad behaviour control your life; be available to those who genuinely want help.
- Use simple tools such as pausing to deal with impatience, resentment, jealousy and self-pity.
- What you put into your sobriety, you get back a hundredfold, especially in how your relationships change.
“We want to leave you with the feeling that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness is too great to be overcome.”
Get ready to be moved by real-life accounts of recovery work put into practice. This Big Book study session features Lisa M, an alcoholic sharing her experience of Step 12 through the lens of relationships – romantic, family, friendships, even jobs and groups. Lisa talks frankly about how alcohol twisted her thinking, turning people into "objects or pieces on a chessboard" she could use for affirmation, while ignoring the pain she caused.
She admits she once believed she "didn't hurt anybody but myself", only to later see the impact of her behaviour on family, friends and partners. The heart of the session is "practicing the principles of recovery in relationships" using the chapters *Two Wives* and *The Family Afterward*. Lisa stresses that these "forgotten chapters" aren’t just for Al-Anon – they offer universal guidance for anyone in recovery.
You’ll hear her walk through practical suggestions like "never be angry", "never tell others what to do", and shifting from "what can I get?" to "what can I bring?" in any relationship. She also highlights the importance of balance and boundaries: "Do not let the bad behavior of another person control your life.
Get on with your life, be available for people who want your help." There’s humour and honesty as she admits that impatience, jealousy and drama still show up in sobriety, and shares her favourite simple tool: pause.
Spiritual growth runs through everything she says, from placing "everything in God's hands" to the line she loves: "We want to leave you with the feeling that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness is too great to be overcome." If you’re curious about applying AA’s ideas to the messy reality of relationships, this talk offers concrete examples, gentle challenges and the reminder that what you put into sobriety, you get back "a hundredfold".
How might your relationships change if you focused on what you bring rather than what you take?
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