CLASSICS REVISITED: The Importance of Self-Care During ConflictCLASSICS REVISITED: The Importance of Self-Care During Conflict
Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction
Laurie McDougall and Kayla Solomon talk about how CRAFT skills turn self-care into a moment-to-moment practice during conflict with a loved one. They focus on breathing, pausing, and changing personal reactions to create a healthier environment for everyone involved.
23:41•9 Oct 2026
Self-Care in the Heat of Conflict: CRAFT Skills for Families
Episode Overview
- Self-care is reframed as what you do in the very moments of crisis, not just pleasant activities outside the conflict.
- CRAFT tools such as functional analysis build self-awareness and slow situations down so you can think before reacting.
- Breathing, pausing and creating space help move you out of an “activated place” and into a calmer state for better choices.
- Shifting focus from guilt, shame and trying to control a loved one towards changing your own behaviour can alter the whole dynamic.
- Recognising your own “toxic reactivity” and developing healthier responses can benefit both you and your loved one.
“The most important spiritual growth doesn’t happen when you’re meditating or on a yoga mat. It happens in the midst of conflict… and then you suddenly realize that you have a choice to do it differently.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety when chaos is erupting at home? This conversation from *Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction* focuses on exactly that question, zeroing in on what self-care really looks like in the heat of conflict. Hosts Laurie McDougall and therapist Kayla Solomon talk directly to families living with a loved one’s addiction, especially those learning the CRAFT approach.
Rather than treating self-care as bubble baths and weekends away, they redefine it as what you do in the most stressful moments: when someone is yelling, using, or blaming, and your own anxiety is sky-high. Laurie shares how advice like “make sure you take care of yourself” once sounded useless. As she puts it, how is “having my nails done and getting my hair done” supposed to stop her son from using or calling her horrible names?
Over time, through CRAFT skills, she came to see that “self-care in the moment” is about stepping back, calming her system, and choosing a different response. Kayla walks through CRAFT tools as self-care: doing a functional analysis to “slow time down,” building self-awareness, and then actually changing behaviour instead of staying stuck in guilt, shame, or blame.
She stresses the power of breathing, pausing, and creating space so reactions are not coming from an “activated place,” which she calls a “terrible place to speak from or make any choices.” A standout moment comes when Laurie reads: “The most important spiritual growth doesn’t happen when you’re meditating or on a yoga mat.
It happens in the midst of conflict… and then you suddenly realize that you have a choice to do it differently.” For families, that “choice to do it differently” is framed as real, practical power. If you’re supporting someone with addiction and feel there’s “no time” for yourself, this episode asks a tough question: what might change if self-care during crisis became non-negotiable?
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