Clinical Humility: An Important Quality to Look for in a TherapistClinical Humility: An Important Quality to Look for in a Therapist
SNAP: Survivors of Narcissistic & Abusive Personalities
Mandy Friedman and Amy Jones talk about clinical humility, explaining why a therapist who admits limits and mistakes can be especially important for survivors of narcissistic abuse and relational trauma. They describe how humility affects power dynamics, safety and trust in therapy, and offer ideas for what clients can do if they sense it is missing.
13:06•8 Oct 2026
Clinical Humility: Why Survivors Need Therapists Who Can Say "I Don’t Know"
Episode Overview
- Clinical humility means accepting limitations, admitting mistakes, and staying a lifelong learner rather than pretending to know everything.
- A humble therapist recognises when a client’s needs fall outside their expertise and refers them to other professionals for better care.
- Lack of humility can show up as minimising problems, redefining the client’s issues, or focusing only on areas where the clinician feels like the expert.
- Humility helps reduce power imbalances, aligning with feminist ideas about challenging hierarchy and validating the client’s lived experience.
- Clients who sense a lack of humility can prepare questions, take notes, and, where possible, choose a therapist who genuinely respects their perspective.
“Clinical humility is being able to say, I don’t know. It’s being able to say, I messed up. I screwed up. I got that wrong.”
Ever wondered what actually makes a therapist feel safe to open up to, especially after narcissistic abuse or complex trauma? This conversation between counsellor Mandy Friedman and clinical counselling intern Amy Jones digs into one key quality: clinical humility.
Instead of focusing just on degrees and certificates, they talk about why you’ll want someone who can openly say, "I don’t know" or "I got that wrong." Mandy defines clinical humility as being a lifelong learner and self-reflector, while Amy adds that it’s about recognising when a client’s needs fall outside a therapist’s scope of practice and being willing to refer on.
One example Amy gives is working confidently with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma, but referring a client whose complex eating disorder needs more specialist care. They unpack how humility changes the power balance in therapy. Survivors of coercive control and narcissistic abuse are already used to having their reality dismissed. A therapist without humility might brush off concerns, redefine the client’s problems, or steer sessions toward topics where they feel like the expert, rather than what the client actually needs.
As Mandy bluntly illustrates, that could look like minimising a client’s eating issues or insisting, "You look healthy to me," after the client has already said there’s a problem. Humility, they say, builds trust, safety and genuine collaboration. It’s linked to feminist theory because it actively challenges the built-in power imbalance between "expert" and client.
Mandy also shares how she models humility in simple ways, like apologising for running late instead of pretending nothing happened, and being open about her own flaws. For those stuck with a clinician who lacks this quality, they suggest practical moves: go in with written questions, keep notes, and hold the professional accountable. But if you have a choice? They’re clear: it’s absolutely fine to shop around for someone who respects that you’re the expert in your own life.
If you’ve ever felt talked over or dismissed in therapy, this conversation might help you ask: is my therapist actually humble enough for me?
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