How to Find the Right Therapist After Narcissistic Abuse | Green Flags to Look ForHow to Find the Right Therapist After Narcissistic Abuse | Green Flags to Look For
SNAP: Survivors of Narcissistic & Abusive Personalities
Mandy Friedman and Amy Jones talk through what a healthy therapeutic relationship should look like for survivors of narcissistic abuse, highlighting key green flags to look for. They emphasise autonomy, validation, individualised care and the difference between survival reactions and genuine abuse.
11:23•23 Sept 2026
Spotting Green Flags: Choosing a Therapist After Narcissistic Abuse
Episode Overview
- A healthy therapist–client relationship feels collaborative, with the therapist helping clients make their own decisions instead of issuing instructions.
- Survivors should look for therapists who respect their autonomy and ask what feels safe and right for them in the moment.
- Good therapy treats each survivor as an individual, avoiding quick assumptions and diagnoses and taking time to understand their specific story.
- Validation is key: therapists need to respond with empathy and objectivity, helping reduce shame and self-blame around survival behaviours.
- Reactions in abusive relationships can be “countermeasures” rather than “reactive abuse”, and a skilled therapist recognises the difference instead of labelling the survivor as abusive.
“Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the most difficult things that a human being can possibly do.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? Here, the focus shifts to emotional and narcissistic abuse, and how crucial it is to find a therapist who genuinely gets what survivors have been through. Mandy Friedman, a licensed professional clinical counsellor and creator of SNAP: Survivors of Narcissistic and Abusive Personalities, sits down with clinical counselling intern Amy Jones to talk about what a healthy therapeutic relationship should actually feel like for survivors.
Rather than repeating the old “just leave” mantra, they explain why leaving an abusive relationship is, as Mandy puts it, “one of the most difficult things that a human being can possibly do,” with many people needing multiple attempts. You’ll hear them break down key “green flags” to look for in a therapist. First up is collaboration: a good therapist won’t bark instructions or tell you how to run your life. Instead, they’ll ask questions like, “What is feeling safe?
What is best for you right now?” and respect that your autonomy has already been eroded enough. They also stress the importance of being treated as an individual, not squeezed into a ‘cookie cutter’ diagnosis. A solid therapist takes time, stays curious, and resists quick labels that can do more harm than good. Perhaps the most powerful section is on validation.
Mandy introduces the idea of “countermeasures” – those out-of-character reactions survivors have in toxic relationships – and contrasts this with the shaming label “reactive abuse”. She highlights how a skilled therapist sees the difference between someone being pushed to the brink and someone who is genuinely abusive. This episode is especially helpful for anyone trying to heal from narcissistic abuse while also rebuilding trust in therapeutic support. It offers practical green flags, gentle humour, and a lot of realism.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your therapist is truly on your side, this conversation might help you answer that question.
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