Couples Work Series: Communication Skills Part 2
Couples Work Series: Communication Skills Part 2

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Sara and Talon talk through four key communication skills for couples, using their own arguments and repairs as examples. The conversation focuses on accountability, patience, constructive feedback, and appreciation within the context of BPD, neurodivergence, and recovery.

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33:44•29 Jul 2026

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Couples Work and Communication Skills: Sara and Talon Get Real

Episode Overview

Naming emotions and taking responsibility in the moment can make conflict repair faster and more genuine.
Staying calm and using the stop skill helps prevent saying hurtful things that don’t reflect true feelings.
Patience is crucial when partners process emotions differently, especially with external versus internal processors.
Constructive feedback works best when framed with I-statements and offers of help rather than blunt correction.
Regular appreciation for everyday tasks and emotional labour strengthens the bond and helps both partners feel seen.

“Not every thought in my head deserves the space to come out because those things, when I stop and think about it, that isn’t actually how I feel.”

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober while also juggling intense emotions and relationships? This couples work bonus episode brings together host Sara Abbott and her husband Talon for a candid chat about communication that feels more like sitting in on a real therapy session than a polished relationship lecture. Across four key communication skills, they share concrete, messy, very human examples.

Sara tells a story about storming into the house "like a bat out of hell" over a blocked driveway and diet coke, then catching herself mid-rage: "I know I'm being mean right now, but I'm so angry." That moment becomes a live example of taking responsibility, naming what's going on, and repairing afterwards. Talon responds calmly instead of escalating, showing how accountability and emotional regulation can shift the whole tone of a conflict.

You’ll hear them unpack patience when one partner is an external processor who "can't stop talking" and the other needs quiet time, and how the DBT stop skill can prevent arguments from turning cruel. Talon admits, "Not every thought in my head deserves the space to come out," and explains why he sometimes walks away to avoid saying something he doesn’t truly mean. Constructive feedback and showing appreciation get special attention too.

Sara owns that blunt, factual feedback can land as judgmental, while Talon talks about learning to phrase help as an offer instead of "it’s easier if you do it like this." They both emphasise everyday gratitude for "invisible labour" like laundry, dog care, and managing mental health appointments, especially when depression and BPD make those tasks feel huge.

For anyone dealing with borderline personality disorder, ADHD, autism, or sobriety in a long-term relationship, this conversation offers relatable examples of conflict, repair, and slow progress. It’s honest, occasionally funny, and refreshingly specific—are you ready to look at how you and your partner actually communicate when emotions are high?

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