Do BPD’s Forget Feelings For You?Do BPD’s Forget Feelings For You?
Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups
Do BPD’s Forget Feelings For You? Do people with BPD forget their feelings for you? Do people with BPD have an unstable “attachment” to the way they feel and again they’re feelings that you think might be about, towards, or actual feelings for you?...
22:19•21 Oct 2026
Do People With BPD Ever Really Have Feelings For You?
Episode Overview
- People with untreated BPD may not have genuine feelings for partners, but instead project unmet childhood needs onto them.
- What appears as intense love and idealisation often reflects fantasy bonding and projection, rather than real attachment to the partner.
- Partners who stay despite abuse or chaos are often driven by their own codependency and unresolved childhood wounds.
- Recovery from a BPD relationship breakup depends on focusing on one’s own healing, not chasing or trying to fix the person with BPD.
- Understanding that BPD abuse is harmful and unjustified can help codependent partners move towards therapy, no contact, and self-care.
“They didn’t forget about his or her feelings for you. Because they never had any feelings for you.”
What can we learn from those who have battled intense relationship pain with someone who has BPD? This episode focuses on people trying to make sense of a breakup with a partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder and the confusing question: did they ever truly have feelings for me? Counsellor and trauma recovery coach A.J. Mahari speaks directly to partners and ex-partners of those with BPD, especially those stuck in rumination and codependent fantasy bonds.
Responding to a listener’s comment, A.J. gets straight to the point: people with untreated BPD don’t simply "forget" their feelings; "They didn’t forget about his or her feelings for you. Because they never had any feelings for you." Instead, what looks like deep love and idealisation is described as projection and survival-driven behaviour rooted in emotional arrest before age two and a lack of stable self. You’ll hear A.J.
unpack concepts like identity diffusion, object constancy, and projection in plain language, all aimed at helping hurting partners stop asking, "How could they just stop loving me?" and start asking, "Why am I still fighting for this relationship after so much hurt?" The episode repeatedly returns to codependency: the drive to fix, rescue, and tolerate abuse, while believing you "can’t live" without the person who’s causing the pain.
The style is candid, occasionally blunt, with flashes of humour about working around worsening cataracts, but always rooted in compassion for people who feel emotionally lost after a BPD breakup. The target audience is anyone reeling from a relationship with an untreated person with BPD, especially those who feel stuck, obsessive, or unable to leave despite serious emotional or even physical harm.
If you’ve ever wondered why you cling to someone who hurts you and whether they ever truly loved you, this episode asks you to turn the focus back on yourself and consider: is it time to start healing your own childhood wounds instead of chasing their potential?
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