Donna M. The crux of AA is Selfishness. How do we overcome it?Donna M. The crux of AA is Selfishness. How do we overcome it?
Sober Shares - Alcoholics Anonymous Interviews & Speakers.
Donna M. shares how she moved from daily vodka and blackout drinking to 50 years of sobriety in AA, tackling selfishness, mental health and devastating family loss. The conversation focuses on practical spiritual growth, long‑term recovery and finding meaning by helping others.
1:37:58•7 Jul 2026
Donna M on Selfishness, Sobriety and Surviving the Unthinkable
Episode Overview
- Recognising hidden drinking, blackouts and failed attempts to control intake as clear signs of alcoholism.
- Using the AA group as a starting Higher Power when belief in God feels difficult or impossible.
- Treating selfishness and self‑centredness as the core problem and working steps 10, 11 and 12 to shift focus onto others.
- Accepting professional help and appropriate medication for depression and anxiety alongside AA participation.
- Facing major loss, including suicide in the family, by seeking support, attending grief groups and continuing to engage with recovery tools.
“That’s my goal during the day is to help God remove me of the bondage of self, to pay attention to other people, and help out if I can.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? This conversation between long‑term sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous shines a light on that question, with Donna M. sharing nearly five decades of sobriety and hard‑won wisdom.
You’ll hear Donna trace her story from an alcoholic home in Kansas City and Texas, through blackout drinking at college and daily vodka in her mid‑20s, to the moment she picked up the yellow pages, called the Preston Group, and walked into AA for the first time.
She’s clear that "the crux of the program is selfishness and self‑centeredness," and explains how her daily aim is "to help God remove me of the bondage of self, to pay attention to other people, and help out if I can." The chat ranges from spirituality and struggling with the word "God" to using the AA group as a first Higher Power when belief feels impossible.
Donna talks about early sponsorship, the importance of reading the Big Book, and why steps 10, 11 and 12 are where she lives now. She balances AA guidance with honest discussion of clinical depression and anxiety, describing how medication and the programme both play a role in her ongoing stability.
One of the most moving parts of the episode is Donna’s account of facing profound loss: the suicide of her youngest son, her husband’s decline and death, and the way grief groups, AA principles and simple human kindness helped her learn to live alongside pain she could never fully accept. Despite everything, she still describes her life in sobriety as something she "couldn’t have dreamed up" and encourages anyone who’s alcohol‑dependent or sober‑curious to give AA a chance.
If you’ve ever wondered how people stay sober through decades and through heartbreak, this episode might be exactly what you need today.
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