E274: Sober Twelve Years. Still Avoiding the PhoneE274: Sober Twelve Years. Still Avoiding the Phone
Sober Friends
Matt J and Steve talk about life 12 years sober, including medication withdrawal, escape fantasies, sponsor avoidance and the pull toward isolation. Their chat highlights how recovery still asks for honest sharing, connection and action long after the last drink.
32:54•5 May 2026
Twelve Years Sober and Still Afraid of the Phone
Episode Overview
- Talking about difficult feelings in meetings or with other alcoholics often brings relief, even when you’re sure it won’t help.
- Avoiding sponsors and phone calls can be a sign that old isolating patterns are resurfacing, and that’s exactly when connection is most needed.
- Escape fantasies and urges to run away from responsibilities may still appear years into sobriety, but sharing them reduces their power.
- Preparing a plan and check-ins for known rough patches, such as medication changes, can make those periods safer and more manageable.
- Long-term recovery still requires action: meetings, honesty and willingness to be taught are ongoing parts of staying emotionally sober.
“If I stop doing this, my life becomes unmanageable. And when my life becomes unmanageable, I need a solution to dull that pain.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between long-term sober friends Matt J and Steve gives a raw snapshot of what recovery can look like more than a decade in – emotional rollercoasters, escape fantasies and all.
Matt talks openly about tapering off venlafaxine after many years and how the withdrawal has triggered some dark thinking, especially the belief that reaching out is pointless: “It felt like connection is futile… I don’t want to talk to anybody because it just won’t make a difference.” Anyone who’s sat staring at their phone and not calling anyone will recognise that feeling.
Steve comes back to basics: feelings aren’t facts, and the real work is in how you react to them. He admits he still struggles with sharing honestly, avoiding his sponsor, and disappearing into his own “escape fantasy” of running away to a cabin in the woods. His honesty about still getting swamped by expectations, mood crashes and stress after many years sober is both relatable and oddly comforting.
You’ll hear them swap stories about family stress, broken phones, overreacting, and the shame spiral of thinking you’re “whining” if you share what’s going on. Through it all, they keep circling back to the same recovery principles: talk about it, use meetings, lean on other alcoholics, and be willing to take action even when every part of you doesn’t want to.
This chat is especially useful if you’ve got some time sober and wonder why old thinking still pops up, or if you avoid your sponsor and hate the phone but know deep down that connection is part of your medicine. It’s messy, honest, sometimes funny, and a good reminder that sobriety is an ongoing practice, not a finish line. Where might you need to pick up the phone again?
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