Emotionally immature parents and grandparents: what to do if you have them (or are one)Emotionally immature parents and grandparents: what to do if you have them (or are one)
All In The Mind
Should you consider estrangement from an emotionally immature parent? How do you process the grief of realising your more stable parent … might have been a passive enabler? And what should you do if you realise you are an emotionally immature parent? This week, clinical psychologist and author Lindsay Gibson is answering your questions about emotionally immature parents. Each family is different, but she shares some key tips and lessons that can help you navigate difficult relationships. If you missed last week's episode with Lindsay, you can find it here, or listen to our original 2021 episode with her here. Guest: Dr Lindsay Gibson Clinical psychologist Author, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child Credits: Presenter/producer: Sana Qadar Senior producer: James Bullen Producer: Rose Kerr Sound engineer: Roi Huberman You can catch up on more episodes of the All in the Mind podcast with journalist and presenter Sana Qadar, exploring the psychology of topics like stress, memory, communication and relationships on ABC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts.
34:46•13 Jun 2026
Emotionally Immature Parents: Boundaries, Guilt and Second Chances
Episode Overview
- Different children in the same family can have very different relationships with an emotionally immature parent, often shaped by birth order, temperament and assigned roles.
- So‑called passive parents may feel like the "good" parent yet still fail to protect their child, creating complicated grief and anger in adulthood.
- Contact with a difficult parent does not have to be all or nothing; adults can choose a middle ground that respects their limits and wellbeing.
- Adult children caring for hurtful elderly parents have the right to set clear boundaries and seek outside support rather than absorbing ongoing mistreatment.
- Parents who recognise they have harmed their children need to show consistent, patient change over time, as insight alone does not rebuild trust.
“You have to build relationship trust back. Bit by consistent bit.”
Curious about how others manage complicated family ties with parents and grandparents? This All In The Mind mailbag episode digs into exactly that, with clinical psychologist and author Dr Lindsay Gibson answering audience questions about emotionally immature parents. Across a series of real-life dilemmas, Dr Gibson talks through patterns many people raised in these families will recognise: scapegoated eldest daughters, "passive" parents who stood by, and grandparents who once caused harm but now want access to the next generation.
She explains how siblings can have wildly different experiences of the same parent, and why a parent might insist, "my other three children don't have any problems with me" when one child is in deep pain. One big theme is grief and anger towards the so‑called "good" parent who didn't protect their child. Dr Gibson describes passive parents as often "the favourite parent" who can be fun and affectionate, yet still "not protecting the child".
She stresses that recognising mixed feelings about that parent is a major step in healing. Boundaries get a lot of airtime too. Dr Gibson challenges the idea that adult children must choose between total estrangement and constant contact, calling that a "false binary". Instead, she encourages people to ask: how much contact can I manage and still feel okay afterwards? The episode also speaks directly to parents who fear they might be emotionally immature themselves.
For those still raising kids, she suggests practical steps like parenting classes and learning better emotional skills. For parents of estranged adult children, she highlights the slow work of rebuilding trust: "You have to build relationship trust back. Bit by consistent bit." Anyone wrestling with guilt, obligation or confusion about emotionally immature parents, or worried they might be repeating those patterns, will find concrete language and examples to help make sense of their family story.
What might change if you gave yourself permission to set limits that actually feel fair to you?
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