EP 140 Relationship Matters, Even When Addiction Doesn't Change With Guest Dominique DajerEP 140 Relationship Matters, Even When Addiction Doesn't Change With Guest Dominique Dajer
Living With Your Child's Addiction
Heather Ross talks with Dominique Dajer about the sibling side of addiction, from street searches and tough love advice to choosing connection, harm reduction and boundaries. The conversation also looks at early recovery, ongoing fear, rebuilding trust and what it means to finally be “just siblings” again.
42:53•14 Oct 2026
Sibling Stories: Why Connection Matters When Addiction Doesn’t Change
Episode Overview
- Connection can continue even when a loved one is still using, as long as boundaries and self-care are in place.
- There are alternatives to tough love; approaches like harm reduction and Invitation to Change can align better with many families’ values.
- Siblings’ anger and resentment are valid and need space, especially when they feel overlooked beside the child in crisis.
- Recovery is an ongoing process, often emotionally harder for families than they expect, and includes rebuilding trust step by step.
- Communication skills from CRAFT and Invitation to Change can be used in all relationships, not just with the person who’s using substances.
“Under the influence or not under the influence, I wanted him there for the holidays. I didn’t want to shut him out of my life anymore.”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? This conversation follows Dominique Dajer as she talks openly about loving her younger brother, Justin, through years of substance use, street life, overdoses, and now early recovery – all while trying to stay a sister rather than a second mum. Heather Ross and Dominique focus on a part of family recovery that often gets ignored: siblings.
Dominique explains how her brother’s addiction slowly took over every area of her life and how traditional advice like “cut them off” and “wait for rock bottom” left her feeling guilty and disconnected. She shares, “Under the influence or not under the influence, I wanted him there for the holidays. I didn’t want to shut him out of my life anymore,” capturing the heart of her shift from control to connection.
You’ll hear how Dominique moved away from an abstinence-only, rehab-or-nothing mindset and towards approaches like harm reduction and Invitation to Change. She talks about driving around New York to check her brother was alive, learning to set boundaries without abandoning him, and practising brutal honesty with herself about her motives before each visit. The episode also gets into sibling anger and resentment, especially towards parents whose attention is consumed by the child in crisis.
Dominique is clear that siblings’ feelings are valid and need space: sometimes the resentment is less about the brother using drugs and more about always being “put on the back burner”. Now that Justin has been sober for about a year and a half, Dominique describes the new challenge: rebuilding trust, managing fear of relapse, and finally learning how to “just be siblings” instead of rescuer and rescued.
If you’re a parent or sibling caught between love, fear, and exhaustion, this conversation offers practical, compassionate ideas for staying connected without losing yourself. How might your own family relationships change if connection mattered more than control?
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