Ep 189. The Secret That’s Kept Sanjay Sober for 21 Years

Ep 189. The Secret That’s Kept Sanjay Sober for 21 Years

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation follows Sanjay, a father in recovery who hasn’t picked up a drink since 13 January 2005, and has spent 21 years building a life that looks very different to the chaos he once knew. You’ll hear him talk about growing up as a refugee child from Uganda in London, watching his dad drink and living with fear, dysfunction and a stiff-upper-lip culture where feelings stayed buried.

His first drink at 15 flipped a switch: alcohol and later drugs and gambling gave him a warm, fuzzy sense of belonging he’d never felt before, while his life quietly fell apart through benders, debt, isolation and suicidal thoughts.

The turning point comes with a phone call to a private hospital and a psychiatrist who looks at him, reads a letter, and says, “I see a little boy.” That single line cracks every defence Sanjay had built and becomes the doorway into rehab, 12-step recovery and the “secret” he credits for staying sober: surrendering fully and doing the work, especially the steps, service and community. Sanjay explains how a sponsor’s simple questions — “Have you had enough?

Are you willing to go to any lengths?” — set the tone for his first year, packed with meetings, step work and helping others even while he was still making his own amends. He’s honest about the emotional “whack-a-mole” of early recovery and about using therapy for childhood trauma alongside 12-step work. Today, his life in Melbourne includes parenting, a career in cybersecurity, acting classes, yoga, meditation and daily prayer.

He talks about becoming a “decent man” in all areas of life and shares his three non-negotiables: connection with God, caring for his physical and mental health, and helping others. If you’ve ever wondered whether long-term sobriety can actually feel joyful, this story might be the nudge you need to reach out for help.