Ep 191. Why Nothing External Will Ever Fill The Internal Void, with Katrina LoeweEp 191. Why Nothing External Will Ever Fill The Internal Void, with Katrina Loewe
Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Katrina Loewe talks about a lifetime of internal chaos hidden behind a seemingly perfect life, including abusive relationships, heavy shame and multiple hospital stays. She shares how a spiritual practice, honest connection and a new relationship with alcohol and medication have helped her finally feel at peace.
1:16:18•6 Sept 2026
Why Nothing External Could Fix Katrina Loewe
Episode Overview
- External fixes like alcohol, shopping, social status and even repeated hospital stays cannot heal a long-held inner void.
- Daily spiritual practices such as meditation, prayer, journalling and gratitude can gradually replace shame and chaos with peace.
- It is possible to reassess and, with appropriate care, step away from medications that are not improving underlying emotional pain.
- Saying no, dropping perfectionism and people-pleasing, and choosing a simpler life can greatly expand your emotional capacity.
- Strong, honest friendships and family connections become deeper when you stop pretending and allow yourself to be seen as you really are.
“For the first time in my life, I am so connected to myself. And that's the one thing that disconnects you from yourself.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between host Ash Butterss and guest Katrina Loewe shines a light on what happens when a "picture perfect" life can’t quiet the chaos inside. Katrina, a mum of three boys and step-mum to another, talks about spending 47 years feeling broken, despite the beautiful home, family holidays and Bayside Melbourne lifestyle.
She shares raw memories of teenage shame, abusive relationships, perfectionism and people-pleasing, all while trying to outrun a deep sense of unworthiness. Things came to a head when she cycled through four hospital stays in under ten weeks, racking up diagnoses from depression and anxiety to complex PTSD and perimenopause, plus a hefty cocktail of medications.
Yet she recalls coming home and thinking, "I'm still not right." That honesty will resonate with anyone who’s tried to fix an internal wound with external solutions. The turning point came when Katrina started working with Ash and committed to a spiritual daily practice: early mornings of meditation, prayer, journalling and gratitude, plus genuine connection with friends and family.
Bit by bit, she stepped away from alcohol and, under her own steam, from all medication, noticing that for the first time she actually wanted to be present with herself rather than escape. Now she talks about saying no without guilt, swapping busyness for peace, and choosing quality friendships over social image.
Her message is especially aimed at middle-aged people who feel stuck on the hamster wheel and are leaning heavily on pills, labels or wine o’clock to get through the day. If you’ve ever thought, "I have everything, so why am I so unhappy?" this story might make you pause and ask what you’re trying to fill — and what would happen if you finally sat still and listened to yourself.
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