Ep 236: How to Stop Being So Sad After Abuse

Ep 236: How to Stop Being So Sad After Abuse

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober from an abusive past when the relationship has ended but the sadness hasn’t? This episode of The Emotional Abuse Recovery Podcast speaks directly to women who’ve left toxic or emotionally abusive partners and are confused by how flat, empty, or defeated they still feel. Host and coach Allison K.

Dagney reads a raw passage from her memoir about lying in bed for three days, torn between going back to her abuser and staying free. It sets the tone for a conversation that’s honest, practical, and surprisingly reassuring. She reminds survivors that “the absence of abuse does not equal automatic happiness” and that feeling low months or even years later doesn’t mean they’re broken. Instead of another checklist of bubble baths and gratitude journals, Allison looks at what’s happening underneath.

She explains how grief after abuse often includes mourning lost dreams, family units, homes, financial security, friendships, and even a lost sense of self. Then she breaks down how beliefs like “I wasted the best years of my life” or “I ruined my children’s lives” quietly fuel sadness day after day. You’ll hear how subconscious beliefs, not just past events, keep many survivors stuck in a mental "deep, dark hole".

Allison shows how to question those beliefs by asking whether they’re facts or just stories inherited from family, culture, or fear. She also encourages shifting focus from obsessively checking “Am I healed yet?” to noticing small but meaningful progress, like setting boundaries, trying something new, or challenging an old thought.

For anyone who feels like recovery has become a full-time job and joy still won’t stick, this episode offers a different route: change the story your mind keeps replaying, and the feelings start to shift. Could your sadness be less about what happened and more about what you’re still believing about yourself?