EP 47 - Stinking ThinkingEP 47 - Stinking Thinking
Recovery Nerd
Jeffrey and Winnie talk frankly about "stinking thinking" – intrusive lust, fantasy and fear-based thoughts – and how they use Twelve Step tools to respond. The conversation focuses on action, honesty and staying present in relationships and recovery.
46:30•1 Sept 2026
EP 47 – Stinking Thinking: When Your Thoughts Try to Run the Show
Episode Overview
- Intrusive thoughts, lust and future tripping are common for sex and porn addicts and can be addressed with consistent recovery tools.
- The Step Ten "WADAT" actions (watch, ask, discuss, amend, turn to help) offer a clear structure for responding to unhelpful thinking.
- Acting – making calls, going to meetings, doing service – shifts thinking more effectively than trying to out-think the addiction.
- Sharing obsessive or relapse-related thoughts with trusted people adds accountability and often prevents acting out.
- Prayer and present-focused awareness help move from objectifying others to seeing them as full human beings with their own lives.
“Our addiction is challenging because we can just get high off of our thoughts; it doesn’t even need to be any specific actions.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This Recovery Nerd episode zeroes in on "stinking thinking" – those relentless intrusive thoughts that can hijack the minds of sex and porn addicts. Jeffrey and his guest-turned-co-host Winnie kick off with honest recovery check-ins: job searches, medication tweaks, retreats, and new relationships that test their programmes in real time.
From future tripping about breakups and marriage proposals to obsessively comparing partners and strangers, they talk openly about how their thoughts can swing between "I'm the best" and "I'm the worst" – sometimes in the same day. A big focus is how they use Twelve Step tools to handle this mental noise. Winnie breaks down the Step Ten "WADAT" approach: "We watch out for resentment, selfishness, dishonesty and fear... ask God to remove them... discuss them with someone else...
make amends if necessary... and turn ourselves towards someone we can help." Jeffrey adds that his thinking alone won’t save him: he has to act his way into better thinking, not think his way into better actions. You’ll hear them tackle lustful fantasies, performance anxiety, objectifying strangers, and the temptation to believe that a different partner or sexual experience will magically fix everything.
They emphasise sharing "crazy thoughts" with sponsors, therapists and friends, using prayer to remember that people are more than body parts, and building self-esteem through consistent, recovery-based action. It’s candid, funny in places, and very relatable for anyone who feels stuck in their own head.
If you’ve ever found yourself spiralling in fantasy or fear and wondered how to step back into reality, this conversation might spark some useful questions: what are your "stinking thinking" patterns, and what action are you willing to take next?
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