Episode 1079: Making AmendsEpisode 1079: Making Amends
Take 12 Recovery Radio
LET'S TALK MAKING AMENDS. From The Best of The Came to Believe Recovery Podcast . The hosts discu...
1:05:01•27 May 2026
Making Amends: Beyond Saying Sorry in Twelve Step Recovery
Episode Overview
- An apology admits wrongdoing, while an amends involves taking concrete action to repair the harm where possible.
- Asking “what can I do to make it right?” can help, but may not be wise if the other person is immature or likely to make unreasonable demands.
- Making amends is not about seeking forgiveness or personal relief; the focus is on doing what is owed to those who were harmed.
- Step Nine promises are described as conditional and linked to being painstaking about the amends process, not simply attending meetings.
- Some amends may need to be delayed or made indirectly if a direct approach would injure others, but the key is staying genuinely willing wherever possible.
“An apology is an admittance of some wrongdoing. But an amends is repairing it. It’s offering to make it right.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation on Take 12 Recovery Radio zeroes in on one of the toughest parts of a Twelve Step journey: making amends. Hosted by Monty Dale Meyer (the Monty'man) with Tom Williams and Alicia Martinez, the chat starts light-heartedly with classic TV trivia before moving into the serious business of Step Nine.
The tone stays friendly and humorous, but the content goes right to the heart of what real change looks like in recovery. Tom breaks down a core distinction that many people miss: an apology is simply saying you’re sorry, but “an amends is repairing it… It’s offering to make it right.” The trio talk through examples involving money, damaged relationships, and long-ago harms, showing how amends means action, not just words.
They also tackle messy real-life questions: What if the other person isn’t emotionally mature? What if their request is unreasonable? What if making amends could hurt your current partner or family? Monty challenges the idea of making amends just to feel better yourself, arguing that the real motive should be that “they deserve amends,” not that you want relief.
The group link this back to the Ninth Step promises, stressing that the promises are a result of painstaking amends work, not a reward for simply going to meetings. You’ll also hear about amends that went badly, including a long-time friend who rejected an apology outright, and how that still became a turning point for growth and emotional sobriety.
Through honest stories, gentle teasing, and plenty of Big Book references, the hosts keep the focus on willingness, timing, and checking your motives. If you’re wondering who belongs on your amends list, or you’re scared of opening old doors, this episode might push you to ask a simple but powerful question: are you genuinely ready to make things right, wherever possible?
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