219 - Are 12 Step meetings right for me? Here is what to expect when going to a support program219 - Are 12 Step meetings right for me? Here is what to expect when going to a support program
Real Recovery Talk
Tom Conrad talks frankly about what support meetings are really like, why some feel unhelpful, and how to find groups and people that actually support sobriety. He shares his own experiences to show that persistence, community, and a focus on solutions can make meetings a powerful part of recovery.
11:51•14 Sept 2022
Are 12-Step Meetings Right for You? What to Really Expect in the Rooms
Episode Overview
- Expect to be let down by some people in meetings, but don’t let that push you away from support programmes altogether.
- Not every meeting is helpful; look for groups that focus less on war stories and more on how life looks in recovery and how people got there.
- Give yourself time to try different meetings and formats instead of judging all support groups by your first few experiences.
- Use meetings to build a network of sober people, especially in the conversations before and after the formal session.
- Take what is useful from each meeting and leave the rest, allowing your needs and perspective to change as your sobriety grows.
“"You take what you want and you leave the rest. I leave a lot when I'm at these meetings."”
Speaking from nearly 12 years of sobriety and countless meetings, Tom runs through different options – AA, NA, CA, Celebrate Recovery, SMART Recovery and even church-based groups – and explains that the common thread is simple: they’re full of human beings, and "unfortunately, we are all flawed to a certain degree." You’ll hear why being let down by people in meetings is practically guaranteed at some point, and why that doesn’t mean the programme is useless or that recovery isn’t for you.
How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? In this short, straight-talking episode of Real Recovery Talk, host Tom Conrad pulls back the curtain on what support meetings are actually like versus how many people wish they were. Tom shares his own early experiences of sitting through groups where some people "absolutely tried taking it over" or spent more time on war stories than on solutions.
He’s clear about what he looks for in a good meeting: less talk about how much someone used, more about "What does your life look like now, and how did you get there?" The heart of his message is persistence and connection. One or two dull or unhelpful meetings doesn’t mean they all are.
Tom stresses the value of trying different groups, focusing on the people you do connect with, and remembering that "you take what you want and you leave the rest." The real magic often happens in the chats before and after the meeting, where you start to build a sober network and find people whose experience you actually want to learn from.
If you’ve been burned by a few bad meetings, or you’re nervous about walking into your first one, this episode might be the nudge you need to give support groups another shot. Could the next room you walk into be the one that changes your recovery circle?
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