Episode 1113: The Games People Play (Qualifications of an Enabler)Episode 1113: The Games People Play (Qualifications of an Enabler)
Take 12 Recovery Radio
THE GAMES PEOPLE PLAY (The Qualifications of an Enabler). Are you part of the problem or part of ...
59:55•13 Jul 2026
The Games People Play: Spotting Enabling and Changing the Script
Episode Overview
- Enabling often looks like making excuses, hiding problems and shielding someone from the consequences of their actions.
- Consistently avoiding hard conversations and denying the seriousness of a problem can keep addiction and harmful behaviour in place.
- Ignoring your own needs to fix or rescue others is a sign of codependency and can lead to emotional burnout and resentment.
- Setting boundaries but failing to enforce them teaches others that limits aren’t real, and harmful behaviour is likely to continue.
- Support groups such as Al-Anon and faith-based recovery meetings are recommended for those caught in enabling patterns so they don’t face it alone.
“my job is to tell you the truth your job is to make a choice I won't tone it down when it comes to the subject of God I 'll die on that hill”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This instalment of Take 12 Recovery Radio zooms in on a tricky one: enabling. With recovered alcoholic Monty Dale Meyer (the Monty'man) and co-host Roger McDermott chatting from opposite ends of the US, you’ll hear a frank, often funny, but very direct look at the “games people play” around addiction. The heart of the episode is a breakdown of the qualifications of an enabler.
Monty lists everyday behaviours that might sound familiar: making excuses for a loved one, shielding them from consequences, keeping their secrets, avoiding hard conversations, and ignoring your own needs. He points out that these patterns often come from love and fear, but “healthy support encourages growth and recovery while enabling maintains the status quo.” Roger brings in his own experience, admitting he was a “chronic excuser” and deeply codependent in his drinking days.
One standout moment comes when Monty quotes pastor Josh Howerton: “my job is to tell you the truth your job is to make a choice I won't tone it down when it comes to the subject of God I 'll die on that hill,” while Roger adds that he aims to be “a reporter of the truth and the facts.” Throughout, they keep things practical, pointing listeners toward support groups such as Al-Anon and faith-based recovery meetings, and urging people caught in enabling patterns to seek help rather than go it alone.
The pair stress that many families act out these roles even when nobody is drinking or using, and that burnout, resentment and stalled recovery are the usual outcomes. You’ll also hear a lively mailbag segment where Monty responds to emails about God in recovery, the idea of a “lower power” like Satan, and whether having three sponsors is a good idea.
If you’ve ever wondered where helping ends and harming begins, this one’s worth your time — are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?
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