From death to divorce: getting through the worst losses of your life

From death to divorce: getting through the worst losses of your life

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation from All In The Mind zooms in on something many in recovery quietly carry: grief that doesn’t always get recognised. Whether it’s a death, a divorce, a move, or the loss of old drinking buddies and routines, you’ll hear how those “invisible” losses can hurt just as much as the obvious ones.

Resilience researcher Dr Lucy Hone talks with host Sana Kadar about how her academic work collided with real life. She first learned that “you can grieve for things other than the death of a person” after the Christchurch earthquakes, then faced every parent’s nightmare when her 12‑year‑old daughter Abby died in a car crash.

The episode walks through the big questions people ask in the darkest moments: “How will I ever get through this?”, “How did this happen to me?”, “How am I supposed to accept this?” Lucy shares very practical tools, like mapping out past losses to spot how you’ve coped before, building “islands of certainty” with routines and supportive people, and asking, “Is what I’m doing right now helping or harming me in my quest to get through this?” She also challenges the idea of a hierarchy of grief, from death to “living losses” such as fertility struggles, separation, job loss or illness.

Lucy explains, with calm honesty, why “I hate that phrase bounce back because you don’t feel bouncy and you don’t go back,” and why resilience is less about toughening up and more about adapting and staying connected. Her message is simple and kind: if it hurts, it matters.

For anyone rebuilding life without alcohol, relationships, or old identities, this gentle, science‑based chat offers company, perspective, and a reminder that “it is possible to live and grieve.” What question about your own losses do you need to ask next?