How do I stay sober when my phone is addictive?How do I stay sober when my phone is addictive?
Really Good Shares
A.J. Daulerio and Kathryn Jezer-Morton talk about emotional sobriety and how phones, social media, ego and self-promotion can feel as addictive as substances. Their conversation touches on parenting, grief, joy and the challenge of staying present in a culture built on constant online engagement.
1:04:31•19 Aug 2026
Phones, Feeds and Feelings: Emotional Sobriety in the Online Age
Episode Overview
- Emotional sobriety involves managing difficult feelings without turning to substances or compulsive phone and internet use.
- Social media can become a workspace for ego, driving constant checking, comparison and anxiety around public perception.
- Parenting around screens benefits from clear rituals and limits, such as brief meditation before children get access to devices.
- Staying out of highly competitive media circles can soften pressure to turn recovery or writing into a relentless personal brand.
- Grief and joy can sit side by side, and practising careful noticing of everyday life can offer a healthier source of emotional connection than scrolling.
“Sometimes I feel enormous joy right as I'm feeling enormous grief. I feel them very, very close together.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey when the phone feels like a slot machine in your pocket? This episode of Really Good Shares brings writer Kathryn Jezer-Morton together with host A.J. Daulerio for a wide-ranging chat about emotional sobriety and the pull of the internet. A.J.
sets the tone with a clear definition: emotional sobriety is "the ability to feel and manage all human emotions without turning to drugs, alcohol, or bad habits like the internet or the phone." From there, the two compare classic substance cravings with the itch to refresh portals, check book sales, and see how a reel is performing.
Kathryn laughs about logging into her publisher’s sales portal and seeing "six copies" sold on launch day, admitting, "I have yet to find a portal that I haven't taken an interest in." They talk frankly about social media as a place where ego runs the show. Kathryn describes it as "a little workspace for like the work of ego," where you’re constantly checking reactions, comparing lives and quietly testing personas. A.J.
shares his own morning routine of checking Instagram, email praise, fantasy baseball and word games, noticing that "most of the joy that I'm trying to access is from my devices now." Parenting and phones get a special focus: A.J. insists his kids do a one-minute guided meditation before they get his phone, while also admitting they’ve spotted his own habits and call him out.
Kathryn reflects on raising teens, feeling more exposed to embarrassment online as she ages, and the pressure to turn personal recovery into a "brand" or influencer identity. The conversation finishes on grief and joy, with Kathryn saying she now accesses both through careful noticing—smells, sounds, memories—rather than constant online stimulation. "Sometimes I feel enormous joy right as I'm feeling enormous grief," she says, tying emotional sobriety to being present instead of scrolling.
If your phone use feels suspiciously like self-medication, what small change could you try today to protect your emotional sobriety?
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