How to Forgive Yourself for What You Did While DrinkingHow to Forgive Yourself for What You Did While Drinking
Addiction Unlimited
Angela Pugh talks about how to handle guilt over past drinking, stressing the difference between quitting alcohol and doing real recovery work. She focuses on rebuilding trust, practising living amends, and creating self-forgiveness through daily choices rather than other people’s reactions.
30:24•26 Aug 2026
Self-Forgiveness After Drinking: Building Trust Through Recovery
Episode Overview
- Sobriety stops the alcohol‑distorted version of yourself from taking over, but recovery is needed to change underlying behaviours.
- Understanding past actions as coming from a compromised state explains them but does not excuse the harm caused.
- Self-forgiveness cannot depend on whether others choose to forgive or trust you; it must be based on your current actions.
- Living amends means showing change through consistent, dependable behaviour rather than seeking instant relief through apologies.
- Demanding quick trust or forgiveness is often another form of selfishness and instant gratification that recovery aims to change.
“Self-forgiveness is not saying it didn’t matter. It’s saying it mattered enough for me to change.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? Addiction coach Angela Pugh talks frankly about one of the hardest parts of sobriety: learning how to live with what you did while you were drinking. You’ll hear Angela break down the idea of “two versions” of yourself – the sober you and the alcohol‑distorted you whose judgement, emotions, and inhibitions were badly compromised.
She’s clear that this doesn’t erase the harm caused, but it does reframe those past choices: “That explains the behaviour. It doesn’t excuse it. And it doesn’t mean you have to carry it as your identity forever.” The episode focuses on the difference between simply quitting alcohol (sobriety) and doing the deeper work (recovery). Angela talks about learning delayed gratification, tolerating discomfort, and stopping the habit of making every situation about you.
If you’ve ever wanted instant recognition and trust after a few sober days, you’ll probably recognise yourself in her blunt humour about wanting a parade 20 minutes into sobriety. There’s a strong emphasis on damaged relationships, rebuilding trust, and respecting the timelines of the people you’ve hurt. Angela explains why self‑forgiveness can’t hinge on whether a partner, child, or family member decides to forgive you, and why demanding quick forgiveness is usually just another way of chasing relief for yourself.
She also introduces the idea of “living amends” – showing change through consistent behaviour, not grand speeches or apology tours. Instead of obsessing over old mistakes, she suggests using that energy to become honest, dependable, emotionally stable, and safer to be around. If you’re sober but still lying awake at night replaying old scenes, this conversation offers a practical way to shift from endless shame to genuine change.
How might your relationships look different if your daily choices became your apology?
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