People-Pleasing Is Costing You More Than You ThinkPeople-Pleasing Is Costing You More Than You Think
Addiction Unlimited
Angela Pugh breaks down how people-pleasing can damage recovery, relationships, and self-respect, linking it directly to loneliness and addictive patterns. She offers a practical two-week no experiment and a simple script for saying no while protecting your peace.
34:39•2 Sept 2026
People-Pleasing, Boundaries, and the Hidden Cost to Your Recovery
Episode Overview
- People-pleasing is different from genuine kindness and often stems from fear and discomfort with conflict.
- Saying yes to avoid someone else’s feelings trades short-term relief for long-term resentment and exhaustion.
- Other adults are responsible for their own emotional reactions; their disappointment doesn’t prove you did something wrong.
- A two-week period of saying no to optional commitments helps reveal your true preferences and breaks the automatic yes habit.
- Using a clear three-part response—gratitude, decline, and an honest future invitation—makes saying no straightforward and respectful.
“You might say, I have to say yes because they'll be upset. But no, you choose to say yes because you don't want to tolerate the discomfort of them being upset.”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? Addiction Unlimited host Angela Pugh pulls back the curtain on people-pleasing and how it quietly wrecks sobriety, relationships, and self-respect. You’ll hear her cut through the “I’m just so nice” narrative with trademark straight talk: "You might say, I have to say yes because they'll be upset.
But no, you choose to say yes because you don't want to tolerate the discomfort of them being upset." Angela breaks down the many faces of people-pleasing: automatic yeses, over-stuffed calendars, avoiding tiny conflicts until they become huge explosions, and constantly apologising for simply existing.
She contrasts genuine kindness with behaviour driven by fear and the need for approval, pointing out that "hosting the family event isn't generous if you resent everyone for attending the event you agreed to host." She also separates people-pleasing from codependency, highlighting how both can feed addiction by leaving you exhausted, isolated, and feeling bad about yourself. For anyone in recovery, her central message is clear: honesty and boundaries aren’t optional extras, they’re core parts of staying sober.
One of the most practical sections is her two-week experiment: say no to everything optional, purely to interrupt the automatic yes and notice what you truly want. Angela then offers a simple three-step formula for declining invitations—gratitude, clear decline, and (only when genuine) an open door for the future: warm, direct, and drama-free. Throughout, she reminds you that other people’s feelings are theirs to manage: "Protecting your peace is your responsibility...
Them asking you to do things is not the problem. Your inability to answer honestly is the problem." If you recognise yourself in her examples of quiet resentment and secret score-keeping, this conversation might be the nudge you need to start saying no and make your yes actually mean yes. So, are you ready to test out that two-week no experiment and see what it does for your recovery and peace of mind?
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