How To Help The Family After AddictionHow To Help The Family After Addiction
Addict II Athlete Podcast
Coach Blu Robinson talks with Dr. Dave Schramm about how families can rebuild relationships after addiction by focusing on connection, boundaries and everyday choices. The conversation shares simple, research-based tools for parents and partners who want to change long-standing family patterns.
50:28•1 Jun 2020
Rebuilding the Family After Addiction with Dr Dave Schramm
Episode Overview
- Focus on becoming a "transitional character" by intentionally changing unhealthy family patterns rather than repeating them.
- Watch for and respond to small bids for connection, as these everyday moments build the trust needed for harder conversations.
- Use "grant in fantasy what you can't grant in reality" to validate ideas and dreams without making promises you can’t keep.
- Remember that connection comes before correction: calm emotions, strengthen the bond, then address behaviour and consequences.
- Avoid taking the hook during conflict; step back, lower the tone, and return to the issue later when everyone is calmer.
“"Feelings must be dealt with before behaviour can be improved."”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? On Addict II Athlete, coach Blu Robinson teams up with family scholar Dr. Dave Schramm to look at what happens *after* sobriety – when the family has to be rebuilt from the inside out. Dr. Dave, a professor and Family Life Extension Specialist at Utah State University, shares years of research and real-life experience with a relaxed, down-to-earth style.
He talks about how every family has its own version of “normal”, and how someone in recovery can become a “transitional character” who intentionally breaks unhealthy patterns and starts something better for the next generation. You’ll hear practical tools rather than theory. Dr. Dave explains bids for connection – those little moments when a child says, “You’ll never believe what happened today,” or casually comments on a passing car.
Responding to those small bids builds the bond you’ll need later for the big conversations. He also offers a simple mindset shift: “grant in fantasy what you can’t grant in reality” – think, “Wouldn’t that be awesome?” instead of instantly shutting an idea down. A big theme is that connection has to come before correction. Dr. Dave’s “positivity pyramid” puts it plainly: personal well-being, then connection, then direction, and only then correction.
As he puts it, “feelings must be dealt with before behaviour can be improved.” From there, he tackles blended families, parental guilt, overcompensating after addiction, and those classic teenage hooks like, “If it’s so hard, why don’t you do it?” His advice: don’t take the hook, calm down first, and teach later.
The conversation keeps circling back to one simple reminder: “people are more important than problems.” If your family is healing after addiction, which small connection could you try today to start shifting the whole system?
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