How to Make Friends in a New City (Steal This Plan)How to Make Friends in a New City (Steal This Plan)
Accidentally Intentional
Friendship coach Zoe Asher shares a three-part plan she’s using to build friendships from scratch in a new city, emphasising honest effort, follow-through, and valuing connection. The episode focuses on practical steps for leaving isolation behind and finding people who match your values and growth goals.
15:47•17 Sept 2026
Starting From Zero: Zoe Asher’s Three-Step Plan for Making Friends in a New City
Episode Overview
- Leave the house regularly and commit to activities that involve other people, such as group fitness classes, church communities, or hobby-based outings.
- Openly tell people you’re new and clearly share what you’re looking for—specific questions about activities like pickleball or beach days can spark introductions.
- Use low-stakes environments like bars or cafés (with drinks or mocktails) to talk to staff and locals, who often know the best places and people to connect with.
- When you exchange numbers, follow up promptly with a clear suggestion and timeframe rather than vague plans, turning casual encounters into real friendships.
- Treat loneliness as a signal to seek connection and put yourself in environments that align with your values and support your emotional, spiritual, and physical growth.
“Sometime isn't a day in the calendar.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? For many, it starts with building real, steady friendships—and this episode focuses squarely on how to do that from scratch in a brand-new city. Friendship coach Zoe Asher has just moved somewhere where she knows absolutely no one, and she’s rebuilding her social life from the ground up.
You’ll hear her admit that making friends as an adult is "definitely a hard thing" and that even as a friendship coach, "I have to put in the same effort as everybody else." That honesty sets the tone: this is practical, boots-on-the-ground guidance, not theory. Zoe breaks her approach into a three-part plan.
First, she’s refusing to stay in her house, choosing activities that push her into community: group fitness classes, church small groups, and her light-hearted "fun drink Fridays" where she visits new bars (mocktails very much allowed) and chats to bartenders who "are a wealth of knowledge" about local life. Second, she’s openly telling people she’s new and using that as a springboard for connection: "Hey, I'm new here...
Do you by chance play pickleball?" She shows how simple follow-up questions can lead to real invitations, introductions, and budding communities. Third, she’s committed to following up, turning brief chats into actual plans: no vague "we should grab coffee sometime"—she’s setting timeframes and suggesting concrete meet-ups, while reminding you that low-stakes hangouts like coffee or ice cream can be powerful steps towards friendship.
Along the way, Zoe talks about loneliness as a signal that "you're looking for connection" and shares how she’s choosing environments that future her will thank her for—places that strengthen her physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If you’ve ever felt isolated in recovery or in a new chapter of life, this episode might nudge you to leave the house, say "I’m new here", and fight for the friendships you’re worth.
What’s one small step you could put on your calendar this week?
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