Joel – How do we ensure our amends are sensible, tactful, considerate and humble?

Joel – How do we ensure our amends are sensible, tactful, considerate and humble?

What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? Joel shares a raw, honest account of how Step 9 in Alcoholics Anonymous became a matter of life or death for him, rather than just a box to tick. Speaking as an alcoholic who came into AA straight from suicide watch, Joel explains how he didn’t jump straight into making amends.

He walks through the earlier steps first: admitting powerlessness over alcohol, seeing the physical craving and mental obsession clearly with a sponsor’s help, and gradually trusting a power greater than himself – even though he didn’t like the word “God” at all.

From there, you’ll hear how his Step 4 and 5 work helped him uncover, share, and let go of secrets he thought would “go into the grave”, and how Steps 6 and 7 shifted him into genuine willingness to change. That sets the stage for the heart of this talk: how to make amends that are “sensible, tactful, considerate and humble” instead of ego-driven or harmful.

Joel leans heavily on the AA Big Book, quoting pages 76–77 and stressing the line, “remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any length for victory over alcohol.” He talks about praying for willingness, running amends past his sponsor, and going into tough conversations with his ego firmly on a leash – even literally biting his tongue in one meeting so the “old Joel” didn’t create fresh damage.

For anyone wrestling with Step 9 or scared of facing people they’ve hurt, this talk offers concrete, AA-based guidance and a relatable sense of, “I was terrified too, but the alternative was worse.” It’s aimed at people in recovery who want practical, grounded experience with amends work rather than theory. If you’re wondering how to clean up the past without making things worse, Joel’s story might give you exactly the nudge you need.