Lisa R – What did we learn about ourselves in our step four inventory?Lisa R – What did we learn about ourselves in our step four inventory?
SoberQ
Lisa R reflects on what step four taught her about her own character defects, powerlessness and self-centredness. She explains how understanding the Big Book’s guidance and moving quickly into step five helped her face resentments, fear and responsibility for her own problems.
4:21•19 Apr 2026
Lisa R Faces Step Four: Seeing the Truth About Herself on Paper
Episode Overview
- Understanding how and why to do step four, using the Big Book and guidance from a sponsor, can make the process clearer and more meaningful.
- Step four acts as the first major action after step three, helping to reveal the truth about oneself and clear space for a higher power.
- Writing resentments and fears on paper highlights recurring character defects such as fear, self-centredness and inconsiderate behaviour.
- Realising that many problems are of one’s own making can actually be good news, because it points to areas where change is possible.
- Praying for people we resent and asking a higher power for help, even before fully understanding that power, supports honesty and readiness for step five.
“You're about to learn that most of your problems are of your own making and that's the best news that you can get today because you can do something about that.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? Lisa R, an alcoholic who’s worked through the twelve steps, shares how step four became the first *big* action that changed how she saw herself and her past. Rather than rushing straight into writing lists, she talks about how crucial it was to understand “how to do it according to the book” and, more importantly, *why* she was doing it.
With her sponsor, she went page by page through the Big Book until they reached step four, making sure she knew this wasn’t just homework—it was “that first big action step after making that step three decision to hand everything over to a higher power and knowing that I was powerless.” You’ll hear how putting resentments and fears on paper helped her see patterns she’d never noticed before.
Lisa describes finally seeing “a full picture of selfishness and self-centeredness” that had grown during active addiction, when life revolved around “the next drink or trying not to drink or what was going to make me feel better.” One of the most striking moments comes when she recalls being told, “You’re about to learn that most of your problems are of your own making and that’s the best news that you can get today because you can do something about that.” Step four, for her, meant facing that truth, praying for people she resented (even when it felt impossible), and asking a higher power she didn’t yet understand to show her how to be helpful.
The same character defects kept showing up “over and over again” with different people and situations, but underneath it all were the familiar drivers: fear, self-centredness, being inconsiderate. She’s honest about still having fear, perfectionism and procrastination, but she did the work in a reasonable time and moved straight into step five. If you’re wondering what a searching and honest inventory might actually teach you about yourself, this story might give you a nudge to pick up the pen.
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