Loving An Addict and Alternative Options in Recovery with Candace PlattorLoving An Addict and Alternative Options in Recovery with Candace Plattor
Katherine Arati Maas
Catherine Moss talks with counsellor and long-time sober addict Candice Plator about how addiction affects families, the traps of codependency, and the importance of self-care for loved ones. They also discuss practical ways to stop enabling and introduce alternative recovery options beyond traditional 12-step programmes.
0:00•19 Jul 2016
Loving an Addict Without Losing Yourself: Candice Plator on Families, Boundaries and New Paths in Recovery
Episode Overview
- Loved ones of people with addiction often lack resources and need their own focused support.
- Trying to control or fix an addict usually fails; changing one’s own behaviour and responses is more effective.
- Understanding the line between helping and enabling is crucial to stop quietly supporting the addiction.
- Self-care is essential rather than selfish, especially for codependent loved ones who have neglected their own lives.
- Alternative recovery models, such as the 16 steps, offer more inclusive and empowering language than traditional 12-step programmes for some people.
“You cannot control or fix another person, so stop trying.”
Interested in the personal battles against addiction? This conversation between host Catherine Moss and registered clinical counsellor Candice Plator shines a light on a group often left in the shadows: the loved ones of people with addiction. The show centres on how families and partners are affected, and what practical options they have beyond just waiting for the addict to change.
Candice shares from her 29 years clean and sober, explaining that while people don’t choose to become addicted, there *is* a “choice point” where someone decides whether to stay in active addiction or move into recovery. A big part of the chat is about codependency and people-pleasing. Candice defines codependency simply as “when you put other people’s needs ahead of your own on a consistent basis,” and unpacks how loved ones often feel responsible for the addiction.
She stresses, “You cannot control or fix another person, so stop trying,” backing it up with her favourite quote: “Never try to teach a pig to sing. It’s a waste of time and it annoys the pig.” You’ll hear clear examples of enabling – like giving money that keeps the addiction going – and how to tell the difference between genuinely helping and quietly fuelling the problem.
Candice also talks about why self-care is vital, not selfish, especially for those who’ve spent years enmeshed in someone else’s chaos. For anyone side‑eyeing traditional 12-step programmes, Candice introduces alternatives such as the 16 steps model, which focuses on personal power and inclusive, spiritual language. She also touches on her family treatment programmes, where loved ones and the addict work on changing together.
If you’ve ever wondered whether stepping back, setting boundaries, or looking at new recovery paths makes you uncaring, this episode might gently challenge that idea. What if taking care of yourself is actually the first step to real change for everyone involved?
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