Malevolent or Benevolent?
Malevolent or Benevolent?

Learning to Lose

which are You?

HonestAuthenticInformativeEncouragingSupportive

8:13•11 May 2026

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Malevolent or Benevolent? Life Inside a Sober Living House

Episode Overview

Early sobriety often means doing the opposite of what you feel like doing, as your instincts are usually unhelpful.
People in recovery frequently want to leave when things get difficult, but staying through discomfort is part of growth.
Pat sees two broad types of people: those who genuinely want to do good and those driven by inner anger who pass that on.
Years of drinking create bad habits and a victim mindset, so it takes time and effort to build a new character.
Running a sober living house demands huge levels of empathy, forgiveness, and understanding, and is emotionally and financially challenging.

“"When you first get sober, nothing that you want to do is good for you. It’s always like taking contrary action and doing things you don’t want to do."”

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode of **Learning to Lose** drops you straight into Patrick Ridge’s everyday reality of running a sober living house with around 20 Alcoholics under one roof.

Pat talks openly about the criticism he gets online – people saying he "makes it all about him" – and shrugs with a bit of humour: it’s his channel, his life, and he’s using it to show what really goes on in a house like Graceland. If you’ve ever wondered why early sobriety feels so hard, you’ll probably relate when he says, "When you first get sober, nothing that you want to do is good for you.

It’s always like taking contrary action and doing things you don’t want to do." He shares how residents often want to bolt the moment things get uncomfortable, and how tough it is to convince someone to stay when every instinct tells them to run. From there, Pat moves into a bigger question: are you the kind of person who wants to do good, or the kind who’s "just upset or angry inside" and passes that on to others?

A tense encounter with a dad and his son on a bike becomes a mini case study in this. Pat apologises, even though nothing actually happened, while the dad keeps asking the kid if he’s okay, as if looking for trouble. Pat’s takeaway? "We’re all one… God is in us. We are God. God is everything." What you put out, you get back.

He also breaks down how years of drinking can leave people with "very bad habits" and a childlike way of handling feelings. The house becomes a training ground where residents learn to sit with conflict, drop the victim mindset, and slowly build a new character. If you’re interested in sobriety, recovery houses, or just being a better human, this raw, honest chat might have you asking yourself: are you malevolent or benevolent today?

PreviousPatrick Ridge & Nick Harris Learning to Lose Podcast