Matthew M. As Bill Sees It Zoom 11/11/2026Matthew M. As Bill Sees It Zoom 11/11/2026
Mad Dog Recovery AA Speakers
AA speaker Matthew M. reflects on how self-centred fear has shaped his life before and during sobriety, from early recovery crises to family illness. His share ties fear to humility, grace and practical AA tools, using vivid stories and humour to show how courage can arise in small, everyday actions.
42:37•27 Oct 2026
Matthew M. on Fear, Grace and Finding Courage in Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Self-centred fear is described as the main driver of character defects and destructive choices in active addiction and recovery.
- Grace can appear in unexpected ways, such as a sudden thought or a conveniently timed AA meeting, especially when someone is overwhelmed by fear.
- Humility and willingness are presented as the practical “fuel” for courage, especially in doing uncomfortable actions like writing inventories or making amends.
- Lying and other fear-based habits are shown to create isolation, while honest admission of defects can deepen trust and intimacy.
- Resentment and fear are linked to distorted perceptions, with Matthew noting that fear can "banish" him from a basically good life without any external change.
“Fear is the false belief that you won't have the resources you need to meet the challenges of the present moment.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This share from Matthew M. brings a raw, funny and honest look at fear in recovery, straight from an Alcoholics Anonymous "As Bill Sees It" meeting on Zoom.
Matthew, sober since May 1993, builds his whole talk around a line from the AA literature: "the chief activator of our character defects has been self-centred fear." From there, he walks through his early days out of rehab, when what looked like enthusiasm was actually terror about being a new dad, broke, and facing the wreckage of his drinking.
His story of coming home to find a full-on drug and alcohol party in his own flat – and running away with 30 days sober – shows how fear can sometimes push someone towards safety rather than relapse. He talks openly about "self-centred fear" resurfacing years later: juggling a demanding job, three young children and a wife who’d had a massive stroke.
A simple line from his grand-sponsor – "let's pretend for just a second that you're not in charge" – becomes a turning point, connecting fear, humility and the serenity prayer in very practical terms. Along the way, Matthew weaves in the realities of lying, stealing, resentment and the way fear "banishes [him] from Eden" even when nothing in his external life has changed.
He keeps things grounded with humour, small everyday examples (like just making a cup of coffee), and a closing line that captures the whole message: "fear is the false belief that you won't have the resources you need to meet the challenges of the present moment." If fear has ever sat in the driver’s seat of your sobriety, this share might get you asking: what would a tiny dose of willingness and humility look like today?
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