NLP TODAY Power of NONLP TODAY Power of NO
Dr. Will Horton
Dr. Will Horton talks through how the word no, smarter questions and FBI-informed negotiation tactics can make change work more honest and effective. The group weaves in chat about sobriety, small pleasures, movement practices and books while grounding everything in practical language you can use right away.
42:00•1 Jul 2026
Saying No, Getting Real: Dr. Will Horton on Negotiation, NLP and Change
Episode Overview
- Saying no can make people feel safer and more in control, which lowers resistance and opens real dialogue.
- Not all yeses are equal; only a genuine “that’s right” signals true agreement that might lead to action.
- Questions like “Is now a bad time to talk?” and “How am I supposed to do that?” can shift conversations towards honest, practical solutions.
- Realistic role play and practice, borrowed from FBI training, make NLP and hypnosis skills more effective with clients.
- Respecting someone’s no and giving them space often creates more trust than pushing for a quick yes.
“You want them to say, ‘That’s right,’ not ‘You’re right,’ because when they say, ‘That’s right,’ then they’re much more aligned with the way you’re looking at things.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and self-mastery? In this lively session, Dr. Will Horton blends road-trip chat, book recommendations and FBI war stories into a practical lesson on the “power of no” and why it matters for change work. The conversation starts with light banter about podcasts, longevity, Tai Chi for arthritis and keeping coffee as a hard-won pleasure when alcohol and drugs are already off the table.
One participant jokes, “Jesus Christ, give me something,” capturing that familiar feeling of clinging to a remaining comfort while working hard on other habits. From there, Dr. Horton shifts into teaching mode. Drawing heavily on Chris Voss’s book *Never Split the Difference*, he explains why chasing endless “yeses” often goes nowhere.
He breaks down three kinds of yes: the throwaway yes to shut someone up, the polite yes with no intention of acting, and the genuine “that’s right” response that signals real alignment. For anyone trying to help people change drinking, smoking or other entrenched habits, that distinction hits home.
He shares how hostage negotiators start with questions that make it easy to say no – like “Is now a bad time to talk?” – because no feels safe and puts people at ease. There’s also a simple phrase he loves: “How am I supposed to do that?” This flips the burden back, prompting the other person to step into your shoes and outline what’s realistically possible. Along the way, Dr.
Horton recounts being invited to train at the FBI Academy in Quantico, where he saw how serious negotiators test techniques through realistic role plays. That experience shaped how he now teaches NLP: more real scenarios, more practice, less theory. For anyone in recovery work, coaching or therapy who’s tired of polite yeses and no real change, this conversation offers practical language you can try straight away.
Where in your own recovery conversations could you let people say no and see what opens up next?
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